atla one shots

4- past abuse

Zuko's POV

I truly can't believe that play. So many things wrong with it. As we walk back to the house, I try to ignore the heavy feeling on my chest, because I know if I focus on it, it'll get worse and I can't break down right now. Not now. I just have to wait until I'm alone, or else they'll ditch me, just like my father and my sister.... No, stop thinking like that.

I shake my head and try to focus on just walking back to the house as quickly as possible, without giving anything away. I hope that Toph doesn't say anything, but she knows me well enough to know I don't want to face this, which is why I'm trying to act normal, and she'll probably call me out for acting normal, because she hates when people do that. As if the thought summoned her to speak, Toph opens her mouth and says what I had hoped she wouldn't, freezing my blood.

"Ok, when are we actually going to talk about this? Because all of you are freaking out and Zuko seems about to have a panic attack, while Sokka looks on the verge of an anxiety attack and Aang looks like he's about to drift right into an iceberg of depression and sink. So we're going to face this now, tonight, under the stars and without any judgement, because all of you are starting to annoy me. Especially you, Zuko. You know I hate it when people try to act normal when nothing is ok. So, to make for it, you'll be going last and going in as much detail as you can, for your story."

I knew she was going to do something like this, but I had really wished she hadn't. However, I brace myself, because I need to do this. Uncle always said I needed to get it out and finally I would feel better, but I'm not sure I believe him. However, I set up a fire and we settle in a circle. I already know most of what's eating at the others, so I don't pay attention to what they are saying, trying to make it so I can tell my story and leave, without having a panic attack during or after. I always have attacks when I think about it, but I have to try and tough it out this time. I can't keep breaking over this. It's stupid. 

"Ok, Zuko. It's your turn. And remember, I said in as much detail as possible. Begin."

I suck in a soothing breath of fresh air, before letting it out in a sigh.

"Well, I guess it starts when I was 8. My father was trying to become heir to the throne, because Uncle had just lost his son, but grandfather felt father was belittling Uncle's suffering, so he demanded father kill his first born child. My father was planning on doing it, but Azula overheard and came to brag how 'daddy's going to kill you, because you are worthless and weak' and mother overheard. She didn't want that to happen, so she begged father for a different way. My grandfather was dead the next morning, supposedly dying of old age. However, my mother left that same night, only telling me to be myself. She forgot how cruel the fire lord could be. After mother disappeared, he got worse than he ever had."

I pause to steady myself and take a deep breath, releasing it gently, trying to hold in the onslaught of emotions. I can feel the warmth under my eyes and blink it back, trying so hard not to break.

"Before mother left, it was just verbal abuse 'weak', 'pathetic', 'fake', ' useless', I could go on all day. However, without mother as a barrier, he began to get physical and let the teachers do it as well. Every time I failed to make fire, a preheated metal ruler smacked me wrists, every failed form gained a fire whip, and every wrong doing gained a punishment. Half the things I was punished for never were my fault, but I was punished. I could've handled all that, but what broke me, was being aware that none of this happened to Azula. She was the perfect child, good at firebending, lying, bargaining, everything. Knowing she was being treated like royalty, while I was being treated as less than the dirt under our feet is what broke me. I always did take more after my mother than father."