Behind A Smile ✔

2

After some minutes of being out, Zynah's eyes slowly opened, as she regained consciousness. With difficultly, she helped herself up and maneuvered to their room — their room. Why was she even still sharing a room with the monster? Why couldn't she muster the courage to pack out of the house and out of his life for good? The answer was simple; because she had nowhere else to go to. He was the only family she had left — the only person who considered her family in the whole world, despite being cruel towards her.

She placed a hand on the doorknob and gently twisted it. The door opened and her husband came into view — he was on his phone, typing away. He didn't even spare her a glance, as she maneuvered inside. His gaze was fixed solely on his phone with whomever it was he was chatting with. She ignored him, because it was exactly what she wanted — to be invincible to him. That way, he would let her be, even if it was just for a little while.

She picked a pillow from the side of her bed and began to settle on the floor, beside the foot of the bed. The mere thought of sharing a bed with the beast, disgusted her. After his inhumane behavior towards her, wasn't fit to be called a man anymore.

"What do you think you're doing?" Just as soon as her head hit the pillow, he questioned.

She rolled her eyes at the insensitive question. Why couldn't he just keep pretending she was nonexistent? She wanted to ignore him. She wanted to talk back at him, yell at him — anything to provoke or dishearten him. She wanted to insult him and tell him off, but she restrained herself from giving in to her inner mind. He was still her husband and she still respected him to some certain extent, even though she knew he was undeserving of her respect. "Preparing to sleep." She replied, curtly and shut her eyes afterwards. She didn't want to have a conversation with him.

"And why are you there? Come to the bed!" He commanded, in his authoritative voice. 

Again, Zynah wanted to yell at him and ask him who the hell he was to think he can command her. Her husband? He had lost all rights to call her his wife! Deep inside her soul, they no longer shared a relationship. He wasn't her spouse anymore. "I'm okay right where I am." She mumbled.

"Fine. Suit yourself," he shrugged and went back to operating his cellphone, in a split second.

Zynah felt a tear threatening to fall from her eye and quickly fought it away. Why couldn't it just stay in its place! Why was it so keen in falling and breaking her apart? Why? — She refused to be a pawn to her own emotions. She shut her eyes again and waited anxiously for sleep to overshadow her, but due to the heaviness of her heart, it wasn't forthcoming. Mixed emotions were choked up in there — terrible things she didn't want to even remember, let alone voice out to someone else.

•

"Mom please, don't let dad do this to me, for Allah's sake. I love him mom! I love him so much," Zynah cried. "-please don't take my love away from me!"

Her mum looked at her with pity. She knew just how much Zynah loved this man, but there was absolutely nothing she could do to change her husband's mind. He was a man with strong authority. He was feared by everyone surrounding him, including his children. "There's nothing I can do, Zynah, your father's mind is already made up and you know how it is when he makes a decision; he never goes back on his words."

"That's not true, mum! You're his wife. There must be a way. Please help me, I simply can't live without him," Zynah continued to beg, her cheeks stained with hot tears. She couldn't imagine life without the love of her life. She would die without him!

"I'm sorry, Zynah, just do as your father wants," her mum tried to make her succumb to her father's will for she knew it'd be useless going against him.

"No! I won't give him up," She yelled and stormed away.

On getting to her room in which she shared with her two sisters, she plopped into bed aggressively and started sobbing. She had tried all she could to convince her dad to allow her marry the man of her choice, but he just wasn't complying. Didn't he want her to be happy? Didn't he want his daughter he claimed to love so much to be with the man she truly loved?! She continued to sob for some minutes, until her elder sister, Rashida came barging into the room.

"And what rubbish do you think you're exhibiting? Huh? Aren't you ashamed of yourself? Crying like a baby at this age! You're so unbelievable!" She hissed.

"I...I..." She tried to talk, but was constantly interrupted by hiccups.

"You... You... What? I'm so disappointed in you and I'm sure everyone else is. You, that everyone speaks so good about... Especially dad," she muttered the last two words underneath her breath. Whilst as a kid, she had always been envious of the love their dad showered on Zynah and it still hadn't changed until now. Without a doubt, she knew she was his favorite child. He never hesitated in discriminating between them. He loved her more because she was more beautiful, brighter in school and the wisest amongst the three — these had been Rashida's belief ever since she was a kid. It made her hold a hidden grudge against her sister.

Zynah got up from the bed and rushed to her sister, capturing her hands in hers. "Please, Ya Rashida, talk to dad, I'm sure he will listen to you."

Antagonistically, she shrugged her hands off. "I. Am. Not. Talking. To. Him. About. Anything. Whatsoever. Why don't you talk to him instead? He always listens to you, doesn't he?" She derided.

Zynah couldn't bear the mockery anymore. She broke down in tears.

"Such a drama queen," Rashida hissed and left the room, banging the door hard on her way out.

"Subhan'Allah! Ya Zynah!" Ramlah rushed into the room to her aid. She helped her up the bed and engulfed her in her embrace. "- it's alright, Ya Zynah. In sha Allah, dad is going to accept him. Please stop crying. It hurts me to see you like this. Please stop." She hushed.

"Dad doesn't want me to be happy... He... He—" she was cut off by an hiccup.

Ramlah quickly poured her a glass of water from the jug nearby and handed it to her. "That isn't true, sis. You and I both know how much dad loves us. He only wants the best for us. He loves you."

Zynah shook her head in disagreement. "Then why doesn't he want to see me happy? Why doesn't he want me to be with the person I love?"

"Because he feels he isn't good enough for you. You know his family history is—"

"I. Don't. Care!" Zynah enunciated. "He is a good man — I know this in my heart."

"I believe so too. Don't worry, sooner or later, we will be able to convince him," Ramlah assured, rubbing her back, soothingly. She found a handkerchief lying on the floor and picked it up. She used it in wiping Zynah's forehead and face as she was sweating profusely.

"Thank yo—" before she could complete her sentence, a ruction could be heard going on downstairs.

Ramlah took a peep through the widow and in a hurry, rushed back to her sister with widened eyes. "He's here!"

"What?" Zynah asked, perplexed. "-Bilal is here?"

•

Zynah jerked up, sweating profusely. She placed a shaky hand on her forehead due to an ache she was suddenly feeling. Why was she suddenly having flashbacks of the past?

She spurned the question from her mind and stood up to get some water from the kitchen, for she felt very thirsty. Her gaze darted to her husband, Bilal, who was sleeping peacefully — like a baby with zero worries. She shook her head in disbelief and headed out of the room.

Immediately she left the room, his eyes opened and his gaze trailed behind her.

Bilal, was his name.