Transparent [Kellic]

15. Coming Out Of The Closet And I've Been Doing Just Fine

Kellin's p.o.v:

Okay, so I may or may not be regretting my choice to tell the guys I'm Trans, and by that, I mean I am totally freaking out. My brain is so fucking scrambled right now I swear I can smell colors.

When I came out to Alex in the bathroom he took it really well so in the heat of the moment I thought, oh, the rest of the guys will react the same way right? Yeah? Well I'm no longer in the heat of the moment and I am internally freaking out.

This sucks. First I have to come out to all my family members and now I have to come out to every friend I make. Well, I guess I don't technically have to tell them, but I would rather me tell them than them finding out on their own and getting mad at me for not telling them.

It's all quite a mess really.

Sucking in a big breath, I close my eyes for a long second before I reopen them and exhale. I can do this. It'll be fine right?... I'm going to lie to myself and believe that everything will be fine.

Glancing at the lunch table with all my friends gathered around talking, I notice Alex looking at me, he sends two thumbs up my way and a huge reassuring smile.

Shrugging my shoulders I walk towards the table, a lump growing in my throat with each step. I know I'm probably overreacting, but it's scary coming out to people, you never know what their response is going to be. It's bad enough telling one person, but telling a group of people all at the same time is even worse.

Sitting down between Jack and Alex, I try my best to look calm and relaxed.

"Hey, Kellin what's u-"

"I have something I need to tell you guys!" I quickly rush out, interrupting Vic.

They all give me weird looks, but I continue on non the less. "This is hard to tell you guys so be patient with me, alright?"

I get a few nods, before I start talking again, but not before taking one more deep breath to try and calm my nerves. "Okay, well let's start with the fact that I'm transgender, I was born female, as much as it hurts to say."

"Wait, really?!" Mike asks, a surprised look on his face, much like everyone else, except Alex of course.

"Yeah" I nod with a small sigh.

"I had no idea!" Vic adds.

"That's kinda the point." I chuckle.

"Got me there." he nods.

"Also, my last name isn't Quinn, it's actually Bostwick, Quinn is my middle name. My mom signed me up for this school under Quinn so that my gender on my documents and everything will be male. Which wouldn't happen if I went by my real last name."

"But wouldn't they notice that there's no past documents or school history of Kellin "Quinn"?" Jack asks, air quoting my middle name.

"My mom is clever and she just told them I was homeschooled my whole life and that's why there is none, and I guess that was good enough for them."

"Your mom sounds pretty awesome." Mike buds in.

"She really is... I miss her a lot. She's all the way back in Oregon and we text all the time, but sometimes you just need to see your mom in person, you know what I mean? Same with Justin, I miss him too."

The group knows about Justin, I've talked about him multiple times talking about funny things he did, just like I tell Justin about the things that this group does.

"Anyway, the reason I had to move so far away and go to a new school was because I had come out at my school as trans after years of people knowing me as "Kellin the Tom boy" and they didn't take it very well. I was called awful names and no matter what bathroom I used, I got beat up for going in what ever one I chose. I had to use the teachers bathroom."