I hate that I love you | √ (Seaycee)

apologies

Chapter 8 | apologies

Trigger warning: There is talk about grief and death so if it makes you uncomfortable feel free to skip this chapter. However, please do read my authors note at the back as it is important!

Sean

When Kaycee stopped crying she hung limp on my chest. I could hear her sniffles and shallow breathing. To calm her down, I softly traced circles on her wrist. She stared at me for a long time with those big brown doe eyes of hers as if she was trying to read my thoughts.

"I'm so sorry Kayce, I really didn't mean it.....I- I want to show you something."

For a brief moment I could sense the conflicting feelings in Kaycee. With a defeated sigh she slowly nodded her head in consent.

I led her to my car and drove away from the city. We passed by many trails and roads. Finally, we stopped at a forest that was full of trees.

I walked out of the car and opened the car door for her to get out.

Nervously, she laughed and whispered to me "you're not gonna kill me are you?" Her smile was light and playful but her eyes were emotionless.

I rolled my eyes at her and took her hand. It fit perfectly in mine and I loved how soft and smooth it was, almost like porcelain.

Walking hand in hand, I led her into the forest. Watching as her eyes absorbed all that was surrounding her. The only sound to be heard was the crunching of leaves and the occasional melody of birds.

We soon reached a field that was filled with daisies and I saw Kaycee's eyes light up in wonder at the beauty of it all.

"This is my safe haven." I mumbled looking at the ground.

Kaycee turned around curiously, her soft eyes never once leaving me.

"My mom....she brought me here one day. She always loved daisies and she loved spending time in this field. When were going home, it was raining heavily and a car came out of nowhere, we swerved to the side and hit a tree. I tried to call 911 but it was too late. She died in my arms. That's why my dad decided that we move closer to the city. I couldn't stand all the memories." I didn't realise that I was kneeling in the field with tears rolling down my face.

Kaycee instinctively hugged me and I melted into the hug while sobbing on her shoulder.

All the pent up emotions, and feelings suddenly rushed out like a dam bursting.

Kaycee

To say I was shocked was an understatement. Miya was like my second mom and I didn't even know that she was gone. Part of me felt so guilty for not being there for Sean when he needed someone the most.

"I- I hate it. Sometimes I feel like it's my fault. If I had seen the car in time, I could've stopped her." Sean said.

It broke me to listen to him, his raw and true self revealed. Not the distant and serious Sean, the loving, kind and broken Sean. 

"Sean...sean, look at me. It was not your fault. There was nothing you can do to change it. We all have our own path, our destiny and maybe your mom fulfilled hers. We all die and it was just time for her to go. She's in a far better place now." I said seriously.

"Its going to be alright. I'm here for you now and that's all matters." I whispered gently.

Sean

We sat there for hours until I decided it was time to go. I had already kept Kaycee much longer than I wanted to admit. I was so grateful for her, she was like a light that never died. Shining in the midst of my darkness.

...
Boom.

Plot twist!!

A lot of emotions went into writing this chapter but I want to say that if you are going through a similar situation to Sean, please take what Kaycee says to Sean to heart and feel free to message me if you need someone.

I'm NOT an expert on this at all but if you are going through a hard time about anything it helps if you talk to someone you're very close and comfortable with. Its not healthy at all to keep your emotions pent up.

If you're not comfortable, it helps if you write it down as well, just to release all your emotions.

Remember that you're not alone. No one is perfect. We all go through hard and challenging times. Don't feel like you need to be perfect all the time.

Its ok to cry. Its ok not to be strong.

Just know that you'll get through this.

I hope this helps whoever that needs this.

Please do vote, comment and follow me.