Masked Permanently

Into the Dust

"Are you okay, Marinette?" Tikki asked her holder as they left Master Fu's.

"Yeah, I'm okay!" Marinette smiled a bit forcefully. Was she okay? Honestly, she appreciated what Master Fu told her about being fearful, and did feel way less scared.

However, she did realize something that made guilt overpower the anxiety she was dealing with. If Nathalie was trying to make some sort of deal with Hawkmoth, he'd finally stop with the akuma attacks, and she'd never have to transform. She wouldn't have to be Ladybug, which strangely, she had to force herself to admit internally, made her feel happy.

It wasn't because Paris would no longer be under attack, but because there would no longer have to be any transformations, and she wouldn't have to face Ladybug ever again. It was for all the wrong reasons, and it made her stomach churn with guilt, and made her feel like a monster.

How could she be so selfish? Why couldn't she feel only happy for the fact that the Parisians would be safe? Of course, she did find herself happy for that reason, but the other reason made her feel like such a bad person.

Everyone now knew who Ladybug was, and it was no use trying to hide it anymore. Besides, was she still that brave superheroine who would do anything to save the people she loved? Or was she now a broken shell of fear and weakness who'd fall apart at the mention of a transformation?

Was there any real use for this girl who once held the power of bravery and strength, then lost it all in a single incident? Did she even deserve to be Ladybug anymore?

Of course, she hated the idea of leaving her kwami, but if there was no longer a use for her, then she couldn't just hang onto her.

Tikki looked up at her holder, walking around with a blank expression and dull eyes. Where was that lively, playful spark she used to see in that beautiful smile and those big blue eyes? Where was that silliness she used to encompass, and that love she used to radiate with every encounter?

During that night, before she had transformed, she had been working on a huge school project, but joking around with Tikki at the same time. It was obvious Marinette wanted to spend as much time as she could with her, seeing as she had to daily go through a majority of her days around people, pretending as if Tikki wasn't there.

She had been so compassionate with her, and never once let Tikki go hungry or feel ignored for a single day. Marinette only wanted Tikki to feel included and happy, never letting a day go by where she didn't spend time with her kwami. It was because of her, Tikki felt, that she was distracted enough to have to spend all night working on that project, and lose sleep and energy on her, causing that development to take away a huge percentage of her energy.

Now, because of her, Tikki felt, Marinette was never going to be the same. She changed over the course of time, and now she was scared, and hollow of that loving energy. Tikki feared that she'd lose Marinette now. It was obvious she no longer wanted to be Ladybug, and it was scary to imagine that she'd hand back her miraculous, and leave Tikki forever.

"Marinette?" The kwami whimpered, sinking into her holder's jacket pocket.

"Yes, Tikki?" Marinette asked, peering into the pocket.

"Can... I talk to you when we get back? I want to tell you something important."

Marinette nodded, but couldn't find it within her to say another word.

Seeing the pain in her kwami's eyes, Marinette's guilt worsened, and her breathing shook with a wave of nausea. The influence that the guilt had over her stomach was pushing into it so harshly, that she could feel that tea from Master Fu rush up her esophagus forcefully.