The Abused and The Hurt//Camren//(COMPLETED)#Wattys2019

Wasting

🚨Warning🚨

Lauren's POV
*two months later*

Silence.

That's all I heard these days. Nothing brought sound. Not even the beating of my heart. The rooms were silent, the halls were silent, even the outside was silent. There was never sound anymore. It was driving me crazy.

I don't remember much anymore as well. The only thing that seems to replay in my head is losing the only family I had left. Chris hates me...
Taylor is scared...
And I'm alone.

Fully alone.

I am always cold I had nobody to warm me up.

It's a struggle. A never ending struggle. I'm starting to drink. Maybe too much. I started off with maybe two beers or whisky each day, but it soon turned to alcohol every minute of the day. I destroyed what was left of my crappy home. I crushed things, melted things, I've punched holes in the wall.

I even started to destroy my own body.

I wanted to feel something other than the misery that never left me. I wanted to feel pain. I wanted to suffer. I wanted punishment. I've lied to the family I was trying to protect for some many years. I lied hoping that maybe it would be good for me in the end. But... it wasn't.

Every morning I would grab a big knife and cut long, deep slits anywhere in my body and just watch my blood pour from my skin. The pain and seeing my blood was satisfying. I loved every second. The blood would just dry on my skin and I never bothered washing it off.

I am filthy. 
..... and I like it

I've finally accepted the fact that I'm not going anywhere in my life. There is no future for me. I dropped out a school months ago. There's no job for me. I'm nothing but a street rat scavenging anything I could fine to use, eat, wear, or drink. Besides I needed no job. My buddy Ty gives me 'supplies' to sell in ally ways. I make good fucking money with that.

Still won't use the money though.

I liked the way I lived.

There always something on my mind that just stabs me in the brain though. Like if I was missing something. As much as I tried to think it has never just clicked. It was weird and my head pounded from thinking too hard.

I never dwelled on it though. Cause honestly I don't even care at this point.

I cared about no one but myself. Although when I say that there is always a blurred memory that plays before me. I could never make it out, but it always looked like a female figure.

Now I know for a fact that the alcohol and marijuana was kicking in. Jesus...

Also something else wouldn't let me give in to being intimate with Ty. Something always held me back. I didn't fucking understand.

Maybe I just need to drink more.

I've lost track of days. It's felt like a month, but I'm never sure. I don't understand anything anymore.

My body aches. I'm always coughing. I've taken many pills a day to stop the throbbing in my bones and head. It was ridiculous how awful I felt.

But I don't care.

I'm on the floor right now. Looking around. Seeing the blurriness of the world I've come to know. The sound of the birds chirping has faded. Just like everything else. I can't move right now. I don't have the strength. I can't breathe as well anymore for my lungs we're filled with smoke. I threw up a lot. Pretty gross.

This is my life now. This is who I am.

I am the abused.

I am the one with scars on my body. I am the one with never ending pain. I am the one with dried blood molded in my body. I am the one who let my siblings slip away.

It's all my fault.

I am responsible for the death of my mother. I am responsible for my father turning into a psycho and abusing me. I am responsible for why he is in a mental hospital.

It's all my fault.

Everything was my fault.

Everything is my fault.

It will always be that way. Everything I do is wrong. My father always said that. I believe him now. I've accepted that now.

Which is why I am ending it now.

It took a lot from me, but I eventually got up from the floor. I stumbled my balance and eventually pushing myself to go to the old garage that hasn't been touched in years. I banged against the wall a couple of times and sloppily turned the knob to the entrance of the garage from the inside. I took a chug at my beer and looked around for the item I needed. I saw white powder scattered everywhere in the garage and peered over to the old desk that was in there. I threw up real quick and walked to the desk. I groaned and opened the drawer and found a rope.

I cleared my throat and grabbed the rope. Taking it with me to the living room. It took me a few tries, but I eventually was able to the rope to swing around the pole that I installed awhile back. I tied up the rope; creating a loop big enough for my head. I went to go grab a stool to elevate myself so I can reach the noose. I climbed to the top and just stared at the rope. I don't know why I all of a sudden started to debate with myself whether I should do this or not. It's not like there is something to live for. I have no future. I am a mess up. I am my father's child. What's there for me?

I gave up and wrapped the noose around my neck. I looked up to the sky and started to sob. I am leaving this world. For good.

Nobody will remember my name. No one will know I exist. No will get hurt by me ever again.

1....

2....

LAUREN!

I fell from the stole. Feeling my oxygen being strained from my lungs. I felt myself starting to black out when my oxygen started to come back. I opened my eyes and I felt the noose being pulled away from my neck.

"What are you doing?!", I heard a voice.

"Why are you doing this?", the voice cried.

"You can't do this to me.", the voice became a little clear.

"You can't just leave me like this. I knew I should've come back earlier, but I was so hurt by you.", I felt hands cup my cheeks.

There's that damn word again. Hurt.

"But I knew it wasn't the real you Lolo.", the voice said softly.

Wait...

"Can you hear me?", the voice asked.

I tried speaking, but it came out as slurred incoherent words.

"It's your Camz baby.", the voice said as I felt lips connect with my forehead.

Camz?

Then it hit me. The one thing that has been holding me back. The thing that always felt missing. The something I've been trying to figure out.

It was her.

I reached my hand up and rubbed her cheek softly. I did that for awhile.

Till my body gave out.