Since Birth

Chapter Eight

"He told us what happened and explained how things will be after that." We were sitting at the old bridge he told me was another one of his hideouts. There was a river beneath us but we weren't very high up from it. Our legs were both dangling off of the bridge staring down into the mucky red tinged water.
"And how will things go from now on?" He asked knocking rocks into the water.
"My mom apparently agreed to co parent with him and we will be seeing him more frequently. I don't know how to really feel about it. If what he said is true, my mom was the cause of his absence." I looked over to him as he stared out blankly to the water.
"I think you shouldn't dwell on that. You should look forward and rejoice."
I looked forward as he had and sighed knowing he was right. I shouldn't think about that and I should be happy that he was back. We could be a family again.
But then I thought as I said out loud, "What about your mother?"
He chuckled and turned to look at me smiling and scratching his head. "They're both a little weirded out by the whole us thing so I don't expect them to last."
I smiled sorta glad to hear that because it wouldn't make things between me and him awkward, but I was worried my father and his mother would be affected.
"Well," I bit my lip gently shrugging my shoulders.
"About last night," he started to say looking forward again. "I didn't just come over to make out with you. I really did want to talk and I also really did want to kiss you. I just don't want you to think I came there because I wanted to kiss you only." He sighed struggling with what he was trying to say. "I guess I just don't want you to feel like I'm using you in any way."
"It just happened." I nodded not really worried about him coming over just to kiss me. "It can happen again." He laughed nervously before turning and giving me a small peck on the lips.
"Was that good enough?" He asked now turning his body towards me.
"No." I smiled leaning back with my hands positioned at my sides.
He came back again kissing me sweetly, running his fingers up my arm. I moaned softly moving my lips over his and then biting on his bottom lip gently. My heart started racing as he cupped my face, kissing me harder and breathing deeply and moaning against my lips. That was the first I had really heard him do so. It sent me into a frenzy. My thoughts were plagued with undressing him and feeling him more than close against me. My body was reacting to my sexual thoughts, twisting my legs and curling my toes. His hand fell down my shoulder and I trembled feeling my body light up from the electric shock..
I pushed him away shaking my head and looking to the worn out wood of the bridge. He dropped his hand and laid back onto the wood with his arms propping up his head.
"I have no control." I admitted to him shaking my head. "And I really don't understand it."
"Neither do I." He sighed so I fell down beside him staring up to the sky and eventually drifting away with him.

•••

"I need your help Riley." I called her once I had finally gotten home after my long day of being out. "I-"
"Don't worry, I'll be right over." The phone clicked and I fell back onto my bed now staring to my ceiling.
"Knock knock." I tilted my head up to see Aimee in my doorway with her head poking through. "Are you busy?"
"No." I sighed sitting up and dropping my shoulders.
"Did you let your hair down last night?" She grinned coming into my room and closing the door behind her. "Allowed the prince to climb up your golden locks Rapunzle?" I knew what she was hinting at but I didn't want to feed her need for the attention.
"What are you talking about?" I asked shaking my head at her annoyed.
"I saw your boy toy scaling the house last night. Quite the sight." I blushed still feeling as though this was just going to be a pun for the rest of my life.
"He came to apologize and talk." I looked down to my hand as I rubbed it across my blanket.
"That's it?" She walked over and kneeled in front of me practically begging for more info. She only pried so she could spill all my info before I could. She had always done that to me.
"We kissed and that's it." I shrugged still trying to avoid her big eyes staring into me for answers.
"How was it?" She now rested her arms on my knees forcing me to finally look down to her.
"It was great, he's great and I enjoy him." I nodded biting my lip. "Riley is coming over so."
"For you? She raised an eyebrow and I nodded.
"I called her."
"Is everything alright?" She asked searching my face. She hated when I kept things from her but I was always afraid of her judgement and loud mouth. This was something I needed an outside source for.
"Yeah everything is fine I just want to hang with Riley." She pushed herself off of me and cocked her head to the side frowning.
"Without me." It was a statement rather than a question. She was offended but she brushed it off quickly giving a quick shrug. "I'll take a night walk then." She rolled her eyes and left without saying another word to me. Almost instantly she was replaced with Riley.
"What's her problem?" Riley pointed twisting up her face.
"Close the door." I said quietly and her eyes widened obeying what I had asked. "She's upset I told her her to sit out on this."
She pursed her lips together looking back to the door and then to me again. "Is everything okay?" She questioned coming to join me on my bed.
"I've been making out with Aidan a lot recently."
"Score!" She said happily holding out her hand for me to give her a high five. I shook my head and smacked my hand against hers reluctantly.
"And it's just been great I mean, magnificent. He has really kind eyes and soft hair. His lips taste like honey and melt like butter when they touch mine-" I stopped myself and looked to her with her mouth agape from my rawness.
"Okay!" She smiled big getting excited.
"And I'm afraid to ask or even tell Aimee about it, but I'm confused. I- I keep finding myself overcome with emotion and desire. I can't seem to control myself when we kiss. I want more, I'm craving more." I confessed to her feeling vulnerable but heard. She nodded as I spoke, looking over my face and trying to understand rather than judge. That's exactly why I kept her around.
"Well," she drew in her bottom lip trying to find the right response. "Are you ready to go to the next level already? Do you think you're ready for sex?" She lowered her voice when she said the last part just in case someone had been listening to us.
"I don't know." I shrugged being honest. "I think I still don't really understand sex."
"But you become aroused." My face scrunched up from the word feeling dirty. I knew it wasn't a dirty thing but I felt dirty for feeling that way.
"Yeah but-"
"We can watch porn." She shrugged like it was not a big deal to her. "It's generally unrealistic and gives men the wrong idea, and gives high and unrealistic expectations for women, but it can be knowledgeable if used correctly." She was so fearless and open minded about these things. So was Aimee but at least Riley made it comfortable and a teaching moment when she had to. "Um we don't have to have the volume on but." She pulled out her phone and I laughed realizing that this was really happening.
She went straight to google and and began a search. I laughed loudly shaking my head at her. "No we shouldn't." I looked away and she cackled throwing her phone beside her.
"How else will you learn?" I shrugged feeling my cheeks go hot.
"I don't know I mean," I blank several times shrugging again. "Learn from doing it?"
"I asked already but, are you ready for that?" She looked at me sincerely, almost worried.
"I really like him and my mind goes to filthy places when we kiss. But I think it's just all too new for me to really understand. I mean, how did you handle your first kisses?"
She dropped her shoulders and looked across the room. "I mean when Graham and I dated it was sloppy and hasty. Not at all proper but it was fun. We never had sex, I never had sex but I guess we did touch one another dry hump a lot but." She pursed her lips together tightly. "I know you're afraid to talk to Aimee about this but I think she's your best bet. She's been through it."
"Thanks anyways." I smiled to her. "You were more than helpful to me."
"I should get home though, mom made spaghetti." She grinned jumping up from my bed.
"Are you and graham still taking a break?" I decided to ask and she laughed.
"My brothers won't let him talk to me so I guess so. I'll see you tomorrow Em."
"Yeah," I nodded smiling kindly at her. She closed the door quickly behind her and I slugged out of the bed. I dragged my feet to the window looking down to see Aimee below it in the shadows. She moved back laughing and hands grabbed at her waist pulling her back into the shadows. I looked closer seeing it was Sean she was with, hiding her in the bushes with him as Riley walked into my view unlocking her car. She had no idea they were there...
She drove away and they came out kissing each other frantically. His hands went up her shirt and then down the front of her pants holding her still and upright. I turned away shaking my head to myself trying to figure out my infatuation with seeing myself as her. Comparing us like we were more than identical, like we were clones.
I waited an hour before I went to check on her in her bedroom. I knocked and I heard her fumble around a bit before coming to open it only slightly.
"What's up?" She said breathing hard and taking her time before looking up in my eyes.
"I was wondering if we could talk." I asked looking up to her and she frowned looking over my face.
"Was Riley not enough?" She said smartly, still butt hurt that I didn't talk to her first.
"You know I have a hard time coming to you about certain things." I frowned now at her upset that she always held small things over me. "You know what? Just forget it." I turned away from her and she sucked her teeth grabbing my arm.
"Don't be a baby. I'm just giving you guff." She opened the door fully now and I followed her inside immediately noticing her open window.
"The Ac is on." I reminded her and she laughed shaking her head.
"I need some fresh air once and a while." Her bed was a mess. the sheets were hanging off and the pillows she had were all over like they had been thrown aimlessly. She herself had messy hair and smeared lipstick. She noticed I was eyeing her and wiped her face sheepishly.
"Okay so what do you want?" She folded her arms over her chest and I put my hands on my hips in disappointment. Instead of bringing up my own issues, I brought up hers.
"I saw you two outside my window." I blurted out and she gave a big laugh.
"What are you my watch dog now?"
"I just think you should be more careful. I can smell his cologne in this room." Her face straightened and she tightened her jaw looking me up.
"You don't understand." She looked away from me tapping her foot on the ground.
"I don't." I nodded taking a step towards her I think surprising her completely. "That's why I need your help. I need help understanding that, how you so gracefully and confidently love him."
"You're looking for relationship advice?" Her face softened and I nodded to her.
"Our parents weren't exactly the perfect relationship model." She snorted and rolled her eyes at me.
"You want to know about sex." She turned away from me. "How it feels? The intensity, intimacy and complexity of it all? It feels fucking amazing." She looked heavenward wrapping her arms around herself tightly. "But it's not for everyone. You have to be confident enough to take control and get your own pleasure." She turned to look at me deviant. "Are you even ready for that Em?"
"No but I get those feelings when I kiss him. I feel out of control and confused but wanting. I want him."
"Then take him." She grinned giving a shrug. "With his consent of course."
"But it's just in my head you know? I do all these things in my head with no way or confidence of ever acting on it."
"Then wait till you can." She was right. "If you can't act on it don't. Your thoughts are just thoughts. You can think about it all you want but until you're ready for it, you won't. "
I nodded agreeing with her on that. She was completely right.
"You'll know when you're ready. Don't let him tell you otherwise."