Another year, another winter
Every single year this happens
People are the same and they make me
So alone
I can't be near anyone right now
But here I am
On a bus to my seasonal job
Where I have to smile and kiss my boss's ass
Pretend I'm fine for a few hours
It's hard to be okay when your brain is buzzing with angry hornets
And your chest is empty, cold and in pain
Too many times my heart has shattered
Too many times has it been destroyed
Not even ashes remain from my heart
All that's left is a hole in my chest
I wish I learned to keep to myself from the start
No friends = no drama
Being the kid no one knows = invisible
Invisible = no one can hurt me
And eventually the loneliness,
and feeling of being alone would
subside
Then that would be pure safety. No one to hurt me
No one to stare at me like everyone is on this bus
Their eyes pierce my skull
I know they can see me
I know they all whisper things about me
Can they see that my mind is racing?
Can they see that I'm drowning?
I don't want to look up and attract attention
So the tension in my skull will remain
The thought of returning to self harm are coming back now
A few times in October
A lot now in November
God it would be so good
The pain to be on my skin instead of in my chest
The blood
Oh the blood
Dripping
Staining my skin red
Running down the drain
And the scars I'd create
The old ones I have are so faded and it makes me uncomfortable
I need to stop thinking now ..
YOU ARE READING
Desolation boy 3 - help me
PoetryThis one is for the ones who don't feel like they exist. And the ones who never get a break from pain. All poems are from my head, heart, soul and personal experiences 🛑TRIGGER WARNING🛑
