Getting The Past Back (An Infernal Devices and Mortal Instruments Crossover)

XVII

Will had his lines memorized in three seconds as he enters Tessa's room, you see? But somehow, those lines disappeared in the air along with his guts as he sits on the bedside and stare at Tessa's face. Anyone can totally tell she's faking her sleep. She had her eyes shut tightly. Anybody might reason out that she's having a nightmare, but Tessa is not sweating or shaking under the sheets.

"Go away." She squeaked. The sound was like coming from a mouse, but Will caught it, smirking.

Yep. She's awake.

"Tess." Will mumbled. Tessa turned to her back and buried her face in her pillow.

He tried reaching her out, but hesitantly withdrew his hand, fearing that Tessa might not even appreciate the gesture. Will then decided to give his impromtu speech to her, wether she's listening or not, he doesn't care. Will sighed, and began.

"Tess. Look, I am really really sorry about last night. I never meant it. You know I'd never do such thing."

"Here's the thing; it felt odd. It felt real. It felt like a dream. A very wet dream, yes. But I am certain that I slept on my bed alone with my clothes on. Please do not be mad at me when I'll say i'd behead your father myself. In fact, right now I am trying to analyze all the blades I know to determine which of them does the task effieciently. Oh. And Jem is joining me. I want you to know that Jem is always the last person that I would betray. I love you with all my heart, with all my soul. But that was before - or a century ago, to be precise, considering this game. Jem loves you. I love you. I love Jem. Family does not even cover everything about the two of us. Jem deserves you. And I would do anything to see the both of you happy. But what kind of hapiness could I give you, when the mere fact that I am existing in this time is more than enough to shatter you?"

"Anyway, I also know that we both really hate this game. I just want to say to you that I'll set you free from this game. You never deserved this, Tessa. You deserved better. I'll risk anything. I'll gamble for your freedom. I know you know I'd do anything for you, right?"

Upon hearing those soft beautiful words, Tessa felt a hand gripping her heart. She did her best not to sob by burying her face harder on the pillow.

Upon saying those words, Will suddenly felt empty. His mind became blank again. He stared at Tessa. Her eyes were now closed properly. Her breathing is normal. Will watched as Tessa breathed out puffs of air from her mouth. "I always wanted you. Needed you. But you're for James now. As much as it hurts me, I'd admit what I feel about myself. I'm no good for you, Tessa. Right now, I'm just a ghost to you. A ghost who haunts your dreams. A ghost who would remind you of your pain. I wish I could watch you and Jem make progress on your lives. But no. I remember telling you that I believe we shadowhunters are but dust and shadows. We don't know how much this game would last, so I highly suggest you treat me as if i had The Curse. That is for your best."

Will started tasting venom on his mouth. Could Tessa do such thing for him , knowing that she knew what this curse is all about? Could Will take it? He remembered how much it hurt him inside whenever he's saying the worst things to Tessa who just won't go away back then, or so it seems to him. He remembered how much it hurt him running away from home. He remembered how much it hurts whenever his parents go knocking on the doors of the London Institute, begging him to comeback. But as much as he wants it, he can't.

"Sweet dreams, Tessa." Will concluded as he stood up from the bedside. He silently opened and closed the door and headed for his room, feeling really exhausted. He felt the same when Tessa told him she's engaged to Jem. He can remember leaving Tessa silently on the drawing room. Ah, what irony. History repeats itself. With the possible exception that Tessa is asleep when he said his words to her.

Little did Will knew that Tessa is watching him leave her room with tears brimming her eyes.