a change of a human//Levi Ackerman x Ghoul! reader

whos fault?

i sat in the abondaned house, water dripping from the ceiling.the cold darkness around me, only a small candle to fight off it.the echos of the sounds i create with every moment.i didn't like this silence.i am used to being around people, watching them eat food that i can't eat, inhaling strong scented of cleaning supplies and laughing with others as if i never turned into a monster.

but now, i only sat in a chair all alone.and only remember the memories that i created.i grabbed my cup that contained blood, i took a sip.letting the taste of blood soak in my tongue.my eyes stared blankly at the broken wall in front, showing the grey clouds and the thunder.i tried to think about how everything was before but i kept thinking about yamori's words, the words he said when i was unconscious.and the way levi looked when i saw him, why does it bother me?

mixture feelings of anger and fear filled my body.i clench my hands, i forgot that i was holding the teacup, it crumbled in my hands.the pieces fell to the ground, with a sound that echoed in the dark empty halls.the mixture of my and a dead person's blood dripped to the ground."damn it" i muttered looking at the mess i created.

"i-if you walk away then i'll-- n-never forgive you!"

 i stood up, still with clenched fists.my still soaked hair dripped water down my face.my soaked clothes was making me cold, if i was human then i would get sick."why do i keep thinking out it?" i muttered angerly.

"of course i found her, i raised her to be the best killer and ghoul.so i deserve to eat her, of course after the battle between humans and ghouls, i'll eat her.so either way, she dies in vain"

i grabbed my face and threw my head back.i let out the loudest scream, loud but not enough to fight against the loud thunder.blood ran down my face as i clawed my cheeks with my nails."GET THE HELL OUT OF MY HEAD!" i screamed along with a thunder clap.i stopped, my head slowly moved back down.my blood soaked into my wet clothes, on my cold skin.

"hey y/n, glad to have you back" i look at levi and smiled.y/n isn't the one smiling, someone else is.she died, a long time ago.this person who is smiling, is a monster, wearing the mask of y/n l/n humanites strongest.if only he knew everything that goes in this head of mine, then he would know.the person he knew is gone forever.

"it's good to be back"

i dropped my arms to my side.my tensed up body, relaxed.soft breathing echoed in the halls.my pounding heart, the only thing that i have that is human.the thing that held everything together, even when it kept getting stabbed over and over again.i rested my hand over my heart, fearing that i would lose it.like i everything else did.

"strange isn't she?she believes i made her into full ghoul, really she is just that strong.it thought it was impossble for a half ghoul to become a full ghoul.but to be honest, when i looked at her, she had no frames to keep her steady or in control."

my hand curled up, peeling the shirt off my skin.a shiver runs down my spine from the coldness.my fingernails digging in my hand.my breathing became heavy "d-don't cry" i muttered, my other hand wrapping around my other hand."i-i am not a ghoul.i-i'm not a g-ghoul" i repeated.i slowly sat on my chair and leaned back.i sank down, releasing the grip i forced my hand to use.my arms dropped to the sides of the chair."i-i was forced, this i-is-"

i gripped on erwin's shirt and i cried silently in his chest."if you didn't save me before, don't bother saving me now" i let my hands release erwin's shirt."you don't care about me, so leave me alone" i rested my hands on his chest to push myself away but he wrapped his arms around me, pushing me back into his chest.my eyes widen at the sudden movement.

"don't tell lies akria.it's not worth telling yourself lies that you know that aren't true"  another wave of sadness washed over me.i gripped on his shirt and cried, repeating 'don't leave me alone!don't ever leave me alone, i hate being alone'.

he only petting my head and smiled "i never planned on doing so, i see you as my daughter.how can i leave my daughter alone?" another wave washed over me, no us both.i looked up at him, he had a sad smile but his eyes told me everything, everything i needed, i wanted to know.a small smile grew on my face 

"then don't break the promise"

 i dropped my head down and held it up with my hands.erwin was the one who took me away from the life yamori forced on me, the one who made me forget everything i did.

the one who showed me real acts of a father.how can i put the blame on him?he helped me grow in a way that i agreed with right away. he helped me for the part of my life, that i deeply hold in my heart.i made the promise that he won't leave me alone, but i left him.i broke my own promise.does he care?is he worried?is he finally letting the tears he held back when i finally was in his arms?is he repeatly saying 'i'm sorry' over and over, waiting for me to answer back?does he care like levi does?

i covered my eyes.i never had fears that others had.like scared of thunder, spiders, titans, the dark.i was always scared of things that a young kid shouldn't be scared of or scared of things that can never happen, to a normal kid."i said don't leave me alone.so why, why did you let me leave?w-why!" i cried out.water dripped from my hands to my lap.i cried along with the rain, with everyone, with people who couldn't cry because they have to be strong.i let out a cry for levi, isabel, Furlan, erwin and kenny.

"WHY!?"