Challenges [Fourth book of the Bad At Love series]

Past

"I'm sorry I yelled at you." I said quietly. "I just lost my cool, you forgive me?"

"Of course I forgive you John." He said and I smiled.

"I'm sorry if I scared you."

"It's ok, it's just a mental reaction for anyone."

"I know I just can't stand the thought of you thinking I'd hurt you."
......
I stood there in shock, what did I just do. Is he hurt? What happens if he's hurt? This can't be happening right now! Why did I have to foul him, I could have just let him dunk and I could have set up a play or something I didn't have to foul him. That's when reality hit me I guess. I realized Bradley was on the ground in pain because he was on a fast break and I fouled him as he dunked. I went and sat beside him. "I'm so sorry." I whispered. "I promised I'd never hurt you." He shook his head no and he bit his lip. Coach looked at me and lip synced for me to get him to talk. "Hey Bradley What hurts?" I asked and he shrugged.

"Everything."

"Everything? Really everything does your nose hurt?" I asked and I hit his nose with my finger.

"No." He said laughing.

"Well does your ear hurt?" I asked wiggling his ear.

"No." He said still laughing at me.

"Well that's two things it's not do I have to go back to my junior high years and remember all the bones in your body to name them all one by one? I don't think you'd want to lay here through that when we could be back fixing what ever hurts." I said and he gave me a look and I laughed. "Ok well baby I can't help you unless you tell me what hurts."

"I can't." He said and I looked at him confused.

"Why?" I asked my accent coming though.

"You'll be mad."

"I'll never be mad at you." I said.

"No At yourself." He said and I shrugged.

"Probably not what hurts?"

"My ankle."

"Which ankle?" I asked.

"The one I hurt a while ago." I slammed my hand in the floor and he flinched. My heart broke even more.

"Let's talk after ok?" I asked and he nodded. "Hey coach send out Ryan." I said and he nodded. Ryan came out and looked at him.

"He looks fine, just someone take him home and let him rest for a few days." He said. Me and Bradley drove home in silence.

"That's the second time in one week you've flinched at me."

"I know and I'm sorry."

"Don't be sorry it my fault for doing something that makes you think I'm gonna hurt you."

"John you didn't do anything to make me think your gonna hurt me."

"Then what does Bradley?"

"My dad." He whispered and I stopped. I didn't know what to do so I just wrapped my arms around him and pulled him against my chest. He hurried his face in my shoulder. "You just make me feel so safe John. When everything was going wrong in my life you showed up and you fixed it. I love you." He said and I kissed his forehead.

"I love you to Bradley." I whispered. "I'm sorry."

"It's ok." He said. "You didn't know."

"Why didn't you tell me earlier?"

"Because my life is perfect with you and bringing up the past doesn't do anything." He said and I smiled.

"Your Life isn't perfect with me." I said.

"Yeah it is John you make me the happiest man in the world. I can't imagine what and where I'd be without you."

"Shut up." I said smiling. "Your Sweet though." He frowned at me.

"That's like you telling me that you think life is perfect with me..."

"Well it is." I said smiling.

"And me telling you that it wasn't."

"I know, I'm just saying I'm far from perfect. You can't have a perfect life with someone who isn't perfect."

"I'm sure you can cause I do." He said and i kissed him softly and quickly. It went silent for a little bit. "John can We talk?"

"Yeah of course about what?" I asked him sitting down on the sofa.

"My dad, i Just need to get it off my chest."

"Yeah." I said softly. He sat down beside me.

"When I was maybe four, my mom and dad started to fight. It wasn't a normal couple fight it was like I hate you fights. And when it went on for a while, then there was a time in my life when everything was amazing. We were all happy again. But when I was maybe eight they started to fight again. Soon the got a divorce. When ever I would go over to my dads it was great we would have fun and everything, until I turned maybe 13. He started to act weird around me and everything." He stopped.

"You don't have to finish." I said.

"Yeah I do I'm just thinking about how to word this. Ok well one day in the summer we went swimming in our backyard. When we came inside we were sitting there and he told me to...drop my pants." He looked away from me. "I told him no, so he slapped me. He told me again and I told him no, I just knew I was t gonna. He hit me again. Finally I have in and I did. When I was little I was What people would call the perfect child i never did anything wrong, well you know what i mean, and i never had done anything like that. He told me to sit down and i did. I did because I was scared what would happen if I didn't. He sat down beside me and gave me a hand job. I had no idea what he was doing so I started to cry. I knew about stuff like that and I joked around with my friends about it but I'd never tried it. I never wanted to go back to his house but my mom made me. I never told her what he did. It got worse and worse, until he told me he was gay." He said and he stopped. "I guess that's the only good thing I got from my dad." He said and I frowned. "Anyways, it went on and on and he kept beating me and it got worse and worse and I didn't know how to ask for help so I just fell into depression." He said and he took a deep breath in. "Here." He said. "There's a reason you've never give me a blowjob." He said and he took a deep breath in. He moved his shorts. "I knew cutting my wrists was to obvious, so I tried to cut my main artery in my leg." He said and for the first time i saw huge scars on his leg. "You can't see em cause of how long shorts are." He said and he looked at me and started to cry. "I'm sorry." He cried. He leaned on me. "I i i don't wanna talk about it any more." He cried.

"Can I ask one thing?" I asked him softly as I ran my hand up and down his shoulder.

"Yeah."

"You don't cut yourself anymore right?"

"No, not anymore."

"Well what's anymore?"

"Few years ago." He whispered.

"What why?!"

"When you left, there was no point in me being here anymore I just couldn't take it John I loved you so much. You just left, you left my life. The only thing that stopped me was knowing maybe I'd see you again." He said and I didn't say anything for a long time. I knew crying wouldn't make anything better but that's what I wanted to do I wanted to curl up and cry.

"I I i."

"Don't say anything your here now and we both love each other." He said and I nodded. A tear fell down my face. "No don't cry John I'm supposed to cry not you."

"I know." I said and I smiled. "I just...hate myself."

"Johnathan Hildred Wall!" He snapped. "Stop!" I sighed and closed my eyes. Im the reason the person I love the most in this world tried to commit suicide. Just then there was a knock on the door.

"I'll get it." I said cause I needed to walk away from the conversation for a second. I opened the door and I had never met them but I could tell who they were. "As if on cue."