50 Shades Of Steve Rogers

Chapter 24 Their Burden

"Honey, come to bed," Steve demanded from behind me.
It had only been a few hours since my brothers and Castiel layed out what they'd gone through these last thirteen years, and there was too much going through my mind too sleep. Hell, even after a few hours, they'd just given me the short version of what they'd gone through, and I couldn't imagine what they'd forgotten, or deemed not important, but I was having trouble accepting it all.
How could I?
Their lives read like a real life horror movie, except it continued for years..

The tower was finally quiet, and the boys had gone to their designated rooms after exposing their vulnerability for all of us too see. Dean got up to leave a few times, but after Sam, Cas, and Steve, reiterated what was at stake, and my needing to know, he begrudgingly kept going.
At first I was reticent about their past, since our main priority was finding Tony, especially when Dean started talking, and how it effected him, I didn't want him to relive anything that caused him pain, but Phil and Steve were right.

I needed to know.

My eldest brother remained ever stoic, although his eyes watered throughout the conversation. Sam let a few tears fall after my own splashed down my face.
It wasn't in pity, but remorse, because I believed they needed me, or I could of helped them. My anger at Phil and Fury raged as they went on, but also at John for keeping them from me. My heart shattered for them, and I couldn't help but shoulder their grief.
So much death, loss, and there was nothing I could say or do to alleviate their obvious pain, I couldn't even hide my own. Even more weight hovered over my shoulders after our conversation, not just because of my worry for Tony, but for Sam and Dean, as well.
I broke down for the second time, in twenty-four hours, when Dean and Sam spoke about John, and the harsh demands he made of his sons, at such a young age, and the alcoholism. Dean spoke about John with pride, but Sam's tone was completely different when it came to John. The father Dean and Sam had was completely different from the one I remembered. Yes, John was sometimes harsh and stern, but he wasn't borderline abusive, nor did he treat me like he did my brothers. He protected me, and loved me, much like Phil had, and I couldn't help but wonder what was so different between myself and my brothers?
Yet, that wasn't the worst of it, in fact, Sam and Dean had so many run ins, near misses, and actual deaths, only to be brought back by the forces we were fighting. I was still coming to terms with their supposed deaths, and reanimation by angels, or demons... it was too much.
I was shocked they were still alive and fighting, or that they even wanted to keep going. There was so much turmoil to sift through, but Dean was strong, strong for his brother, and their relationship was borderline co-dependent, which I understood well enough, because I depended on Phil, on Tony, Natasha, and later Steve, but this... this was so much worse, and I was at a loss at what I could say or do to help them.
I needed to be focusing on bringing Tony home, but how could I focus on Tony, when my brother's were sleeping a few doors down from me?

"(Y/n)?" Steve called out again.
"I'm sorry, but I don't think I can sleep right now, not after what we just heard, and Tony," I concurred, but slowly turned around and faced him, while I leaned back against the cold glass, "we should be working?"
"We are darlin', FRIDAY'S working, Bruce.., but you need to try and get some sleep, and I want you here next to me, don't make me get up and carry you to bed," he threatened, and shifted the blankets over his bare torso.
"I think you actually like man-handling me," I snickered through the tears, which hadn't stopped leaking down my face since the conversation downstairs.
"I do, but I'd rather just have you get into bed," he sighed, and reached for me, "you may not be able to sleep, but let me be your soft place to land sweetheart."
I finally acquiesced to his demands and pulled my sweater and leggings off before sliding into my old bed, and settled onto his warm chest. His lips peppered my head with kisses, and I relaxed against his frame, finally focusing on the man holding me.
"They're not alone anymore honey, and we'll do whatever we can to give them whatever they may need, even if Dean doesn't want it, or thinks he doesn't deserve it," he whispered, as if he read my mind, "you don't have to say anything, cause I recognize the look in your eyes, but what they've gone through, they got through it together, it wasn't your fault, but I know you probably wished you could of been there to help them, but they're here now, so let's focus on that, and finding Tony."
I raised my head to look at him, while he brushed the outpouring of tears drenching my face, "you know sometimes, I think you're too good to be true, but..." I paused and put my head back on his warm chest, "you heard what they said about all this..and I feel just as lost, with even more questions...we don't even know where all this information leaves me? Our main focus should be finding Tony, but... I.. my brother's..."
"I know doll, I know, but Dean looked liked he could use a break, it wasnt easy for him talking about the past, it never is," he murmured, "so just try to close your eyes, and let me take care of you for once, and we'll start again in the morning, I'll be right here, I promise," he whispered, and tilted my head up, so his lips could fall on mine. He engulfed me in his warmth and protection, coaxing my mouth open and moaning against me, "I love you, and I promise nothing's going to change that."
"I know, and I love you too," I sighed, and finally closed my eyes, while Steve's arms tightened around my bare body, "always."