Fault [bxb] ✔

{ THIRTY-SEVEN }

CHAPTER 37 | Strange

When I felt the light of the sun shining on my face, I struggled to open my eyes, which felt heavy and my eyelashes were covered in eye booger because of my crying yesterday.

I wiped it off my eyes while I yawned. Then I stayed there, lying on my bed, wrapped on my thin sheets. I drew random figures on my pillow with my finger, with a sad face. I remembered the reason why I had been crying for hours yesterday, and if my eyes weren't hurting as much as they're doing now, I'd probably be crying again.

It's surprising how much I had been crying the last hours, when nothing in my life had ever made me feel so heartbroken. Anybody would see in me a tough guy who can't feel or show a single thing other than seriousness and anger, but never happiness or sadness. Now I see that the thought of having made someone kill himself, really messed up my feelings so badly. The truth is that I'm not as tough as it may seem.

His death still seems so unbelievable. When I look back at yesterday's events, I still can't believe it, and I wish it all had been just a dream. Today would be a normal day like any other. If I hadn't treated Zack so bad, today would be the day in which I'd tell him that I'm sorry for what I did, for being an idiot, for playing with him... I had never felt the need to apologize to someone so badly as now.

My phone was buzzing incessantly on the table next to my bed. I knew they were messages and calls of my friends telling me why the hell I hadn't gone to school today. When the sound got annoying, I groaned and grabbed my phone from the table. I turned it on to see that indeed, I had lots of missed calls and unread messages. Most of them were from Scarlet.

Hoe:
MAAAAAARK MY LOVEEE pls tell me you're alive 😭😭😭

Rupert:
Dude, what's up?? Why didn't you come to school? :(

Fucker:
Don't tell me u killed yourself now -_-

I replied to all of them by telling them I was sick, and that probably I'd be like this for the rest of the week. Maybe I wasn't lying anymore about this sickness, since not only I had felt emotionally sick, but also I was starting to feel it physically.

Scarlet insisted that she had to visit me, so to prevent me from doing some stupidity as to kill myself. I knew she only wanted to do this so she could skip the rest of school. She doesn't care that much about me. Besides, it's not like I'm going to kill myself. At least not now.

When I was about to exit the app and go back to sleep, my eyes couldn't help but stare at the chat between Zack and me. The last message between us was the one I sent to him, where I told him to meet me at the back of the building, and that I'd finally tell him everything. I had typed that message while I had a malicious smile on my face. That day I knew pretty well that he'd fall for my trap so I could... Beat him up. What a sick and horrible monster I was.

I tapped on his profile to see his picture, the same one he had kept for weeks, but the same one that had always managed to make my stomach flutter no matter how long I looked at it. He was wearing glasses, with a serious face, looking to the side, so I couldn't exactly see the beauty of his eyes. His brown hair fell slightly on his forehead, and made him look so cute, yet so... Handsome, I must admit. He didn't wear glasses, but once he told me he liked to wear that accessory, even if he didn't need them. With glasses or not, it didn't affect how beautiful he looked.

That was until I had to ruin the beauty of his face, when I destroyed it with my filthy hands. This picture that he had on his profile, would be the only physical image that I'd have of him where he's not covered in blood. Blood that he spilled from his wounds. Wounds that were made by me.