My Amazing Boyfriend [Park Jimin FF]

Chapter Twenty

"You heard me... the reason you get so mad when I bring it up. It's all because you couldn't save the love of your life!" I yelled smacking his hand away.

He tensed up even more. He looked like he was about to explode, "What did I tell you?! Don't bring her up, and for that matter, stay the fuck out of my past! That's none of your damn concern!" his tone was rough. I couldn't help but to flinch once more, he's beyond angry.

"Just admit it! You only saved me because you didn't want a repeat of your past! You didn't even want any emotional connections to me! You're a lair! You didn't love me, you loved who I used to be! You don't even know me yourself... do you? " tears continued to stream from my eyes but that didn't stop me.

"You're so selfish... you only saved me for your own personal gain. If it was anybody else you would've let them die, but because I'm some fucking reincarnation of your lover you had to save me to keep your peace of mind!" the tears once shed vanished, anger and frustration took its place among my face.

As he stood silent, I just stared at him. I couldn't read his expressions anymore. It was like he was frozen. His eyes seemed ice cold. Pathetic...

"You never loved me Jimin, admit it..." I stood awaiting his response.

The longer we stood in silence the more anxious I became, "You're right... I saved you solely because of your connections to that woman." upon hearing those words my heart dropped to my stomach. I was expecting to hear that, but I wasn't expecting for it to hurt as much as it did. It felt like I took a knife to the heart. A year literally thrown away in mere seconds.

I gripped at my stomach. I immediately felt sick. I knew it. I was so stupid. All of this could've been averted. All of this pain and anguish could've been avoided.

Breathing heavily I spoke out, "You should've let me die then. If that was your only reason, then I wish you wouldn't have come to save me. I wish I had nothing to do with you. To even think you took advantage of me emotionally and physically is disgusting. You're sick and twisted." I felt so broken.

I avoided all contact with Jimin and ran around the bedroom packing all of my stuff. I can't stay here. I don't want to. Everything now seems so toxic. Everything that I've heard or thought about this relationship was now all proven to be some sort of lie...

"What are you doing?" he spoke aloud.

"I'm leaving. Whatever this is, it's over. I want nothing to do with you ever again. Don't you dare come looking for me either. Leave me the hell alone and stay out of my life." I began throwing whatever belonged to me into a bag.

"To think Jin is supposed to be the person I can't trust..." I muttered, "Jimin you're the one that can't be trusted... who couldn't be trusted." I felt my heart ache.

"Where will you go?" he whispered.

"That's none of your business... like you said, worry about your own and not someone else's..." I recited some of his words back to him.

"It is my business. Whether you like it or not, I'm already attached to you. Hana... my blood is in your body. You belong to me. You are mine. If you think I wouldn't come and find you, you're stupid." he spoke aloud.

"What don't you understand by I want nothing to do with you?" my breath hitched. I was starting to crack. The longer I stood here, the longer I was breaking.

"This goes beyond words Hana. I don't think you fully understand..." I turned to face him and tears were falling from his eyes.

"Jimin I'm not your property. I'm a human being... even if it is partly, but I'm someone that you've hurt for long enough. I have feelings, I have a beating heart. I feel all the pain I go through..." tears started to fall from my own eyes, "This shit hurts...".

"Why can't you let me explain Hana? You just keep cutting me off." he inched his way closer, the tears still falling.

"Explain what? You've said enough..." I watched as he approached me. We were now face to face.

Slowly he plopped his head into the crevice of my neck, "Hana... I have feelings for you. I really do love you. Yes everything started out as my own selfish gain, but over these last few months Hana I've fallen for who you are, not because of who you were. I've long accepted the fact of her death. But it still hurts to bring her up, and I'm not comparing you to her in any way." he paused. 

"I fell for you. I care for you. I gave you my blood for a reason. If I didn't love you, after the occurrence with Jinyoung I would've just let you die, but I know deep down I really don't want to lose you... I can't. You're all that I have." his sobs fell silent into my neck.

I'm so confused now. I 100% wanted to leave and get out of here, but now I can't. I don't want to leave him in this state. What if he really is telling me the truth, but I'm not willing to hear him out?

"Then why? Why didn't you come clean and tell me about her?" my heart ached asking again.

"I was afraid of losing you, of you reacting the way you are now." his forehead now rested on my shoulders.

"So you were planning on never telling me?" my voice came out lower.

"I didn't want to... because I thought it wouldn't matter. I didn't even want you to see that video... because I know you'd only grow curious. You'd want to know... I wasn't comfortable with letting you know that someone I cared so deeply about died because of me. It showed my incompetence... it showed my weakness, it allowed you to have a reason not to trust me. And I didn't want that. I want you to feel safe when you're with me. I want you to feel that nothing can happen to you no matter what when you're by my side." he shifted burying his face deep into my neck once more.

"I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry. I'm sorry." he repeated himself over and over again.

"If you're really sorry, then you need to explain everything. Be honest with me. Let me into your heart Jimin." please...