My Amazing Boyfriend [Park Jimin FF]

Chapter Thirty-Four

J U N G K O O K  P O V

Walking alone right now feels as if we're the only two people on earth. The street is silent. Our surroundings are silent, and we're silent. I honestly felt so confident to talk with her, but I'm super nervous now that I've actually dragged her out here. Suddenly everything in my mind went blank. All the things I prepared to say to her vanished.

Every now and then I glance back to see her saddened expression. She must be really upset. I wonder what she's feeling? I want to know why she didn't tell me.

After glancing around the neighborhood for a while, I found the perfect place. We were outside a park. Thankfully it was late so no one occupied the playground situated within it. Hopefully having a little fun here while we talk will ease her uneasiness, make her less anxious about the situation, because more than anything, I want her to feel comfortable, for her to feel she can finally open up to me.

I tugged on her arm slightly trying to get her attention, "We're here." I smiled softly. Seeing her smile in return, though it was small, was a relief.

I undid our hands and grabbed for them again, leading her to the swing set. As we plopped down on the swings my eyes didn't leave her figure. She could only manage to stare down towards her hands. She was avoiding eye contact with me.

"Hana... Why didn't you just tell me the truth?" I went straight into it.

She shot her head up fast, when her eyes latched onto mine my heart stopped beating, "I-I don't know." her response was short as she dropped her head once again.

"Oh c'mon... that's not a really good answer Hana. Do you know how much easier it would've been for me if I would have only known about your situation, or even about him for that matter?" I retorted back, scoffing at her response. I expected more. I'm disappointed, I'm not contempt with that kind of answer.

She only continued to fidget with her hands and for some reason it was only beginning to agitate me. Was she gonna stay silent the whole time? I need answers... no scratch that, I deserve answers!

"Hana!" my voice came out harsher than I wanted it to... and with that I was met with, once again, her saddened face.

I wanted to apologize... seeing her like this made me feel like the biggest jerk. However, I wasn't gonna just take the silence... it wasn't fair to me. None of this was fair to me. I have to make her talk somehow. I have to show her how serious I am. I'm normally so calm and level headed with her that she's not used to this side of me. Throughout these last few weeks I've only even been playful with her, but I need to prove a point more than anything now.

"Hana... please. Just talk. Stop this. Don't you think I deserve to know why you kept the truth from me? Why you didn't tell me you had a boyfriend? I wouldn't have fallen for you if I would've known you had him by your side." I sighed out. My voice started stern, but nearly vanished by the end of my mini rant.

My eyes averted from her when I noticed she sank lower into the swing seat. Am I not getting though to her?

A small sob could be heard, "I-I didn't mean to fall for you either, but it just happened... and I honestly don't know why I didn't come clean. I guess I didn't want to burden you with my problems, or maybe I was too happy to even remember the situation I had went through? You were my distraction I didn't think I needed. If you haven't realized it Kookie, I think that I love you." her cries only got louder.

Hearing all of that, my breathing ceased. So she did feel the same, but when I should be so happy and rejoiced that the feeling was mutual- I can't help but to think this is so wrong.

"I see..." my voice was quiet. I scoffed at my own tone, "If only you didn't have to love him either." I was bitter.

Her attention was now on me, "And that's why I'm truly so sorry. I can't just forget about him Jungkook. I can't just act like my heart doesn't beat the way that it does when he's mentioned, or when he's even around me. I really do love him." she continued to cry, but she composed herself, "I'm so selfish. I should've known this was going to happen. I should've called this off way sooner. I don't deserve someone like you by my side." she croaked. 

"Hey..." I tried to stop her, but she only continued.

"There's a special place in hell for people like me... those who take advantage of the people around them. Jungkook-" I stopped her, the only way I knew that I could. I kissed her again.

I pulled away and embraced her, "Stop rambling. Please. To say there's a special place in hell for you is too far. It's not like you've done anything wrong. You can't help who you fall for. Sometimes this shit just happens." I stroked her hair, "I don't blame you because I chose to fall for you. We both were blind to love." I laughed. 

"Kookie..." her voice hitched, "I didn't intend to lead you on. I never wanted that, but the more time I spent with you, the happier I was- and the more oblivious I became." she gripped onto my shirt, looking up towards me, "I genuinely don't know what to do..." her head fell into my chest.

I patted her back, "And that's okay because I have no clue either..." I lost all my composure as I cried silently, not trying to alert her.

"We'll get through this, we'll figure all of this out. I promise." I continued to cry silently.

"What if I don't choose you? Will you hate me? Are you gonna leave me?!" she retorted, sinking her head deeper.

"At this point, there's no way I could ever hate you... I don't ever want to lose you, regardless if you're with me as a girlfriend, or just as a friend. You mean so much to me." I embraced her tighter.

"Thank you..." she spoke out quietly.