My Amazing Boyfriend [Park Jimin FF]

Chapter Thirty

It's been 3 months already. I haven't heard from Jimin, nor have I seen him physically. Every time I've contacted Soo-young she's told me she hasn't seen him, whether it be for the night or for a few days. She says he's been out roaming the streets since I've left.

I've been so worried. This isn't like him. He's not one to just go around and do whatever. Jin told me I shouldn't worry too much because he knows what he's doing, that this isn't the first time he's acted like this, but this is the first time he's doing it alone.

Jin was always by his side the first time, now he really is all alone. Jin hasn't wanted to leave my side at all in this few months and I'm not too sure why, but he's been keeping a closer eye on me than he has been on Jimin.

I may sound crazy, but though I haven't personally seen Jimin, I've most definitely seen him. Whether it be in my dreams or as some kind of hallucination or illusion, I've seen him. I wish I can just hold him and never let him go.

"Hana?" Jungkook called out for me.

"Yeah?" he made me lose my train of thought.

"What ya thinking about? I've been staring at you for a whi-" I cut him off.

"You've been staring at me?" I chuckled softly as my face felt a bit warm.

"Uh- we'll... y-you-" he became a stuttering mess, "Yeah..." he finally let out. He averted his gaze from me and scratched the back of his head.

"Am I that pretty oppa?" I wanted to tease him a bit. He in turn ended up being really flustered...

"Yahh!" Jungkook and that word don't get along very well.

"Oh c'mon Kookie... you know deep down you'll let it slide because it's me." I smiled slightly punching his arm.

Over the course of my stay, Jin and Jungkook have been helping me control most of my abilities, starting with my strength.

"Glad I didn't go flying into a wall again." he chuckled slightly punching me back. Letting out a sigh of relief.

"Again, I really didn't mean to..." I laughed.

"Yeah, yeah. Tell that to the hole in the wall." he smiled as he ran his hand through his hair.

Somewhere deep down I feel like I harbor these feelings for Jungkook. I know Jimin is the one for me, but I can't shake the feelings starting to develop for Jungkook.

The way he's there to help me up when I fall, not literally... most of the times anyway, but the way he speaks to me, the way he guides and supports me to do better. It's all those things that are making me feel the way I am. He's always there for me, seemingly snatching Jin's spot even.

The way he smiles like a bunny, to the way he laughs. It's all so captivating. He's charming to say the least and I can't help to feel so guilty because of Jimin. This isn't fair of me. I shouldn't be doing this. I shouldn't be harboring these feelings.

Jungkook just has this aura that I can't help but to be attracted to...

"Hana?" as my name was called all my thoughts vanished.

"Huh? " I squeezed out. 

"Your spacing out a lot lately, are you okay?" he quickly rushed over to me and felt my forehead. "You don't seem to have a fever..." he spoke as his own hand rested on his forehead.

I shyly smacked his hand away, "Yeah, I'm doing great." I sarcastically spoke out.

"Hmmm, if you say so." he laughed it off.

"Kookie?" I questioned.

He hummed In response.

"How about we go out and grab some food? I'm starving." I rested my hand on my stomach as it let out a small growl.

He laughed, "Yeah, I can hear it. Let's go. Your choice." he smiled and he linked his arm with mine.

✎...

As we walked arm in arm I couldn't help but to want us to actually hold hands... what if he didn't want to? Would that make our walk to our location awkward? I hate putting myself in awkward situations, but before I could even say anything he dropped the linkage of our arms and I felt slightly disappointed...

"I think- it'll be better if we walked like this." as he spoke he reached to hold my hand, and I didn't pull away.

My face slowly lit back up as it flushed a shade of red. I was happy. I nodded my head in response and kept my head low.

J I M I N ' S P O V

I came back to visit her again. I've been telling myself that she's can't ever come back to me, but it's not working. My heart continues to long for her regardless.

Hana continues to linger in my head though. Like how she's doing or what she's been up to. I miss her, truly, but I can say I'm not over Chae yet. It would be unfair of me to run back to her if my feelings haven't fully wavered yet.

I've hurt Hana a lot emotionally already, I don't want to damage her anymore than I already have. She's so strong to have put up with so much.

I long for her smile, for her touch... but, I feel the same about Chae. I'm terrible, I know. I can't just choose Hana only. For anyone the decision would be so simple. Why not go for what's available physically? Hana is on this same earth, breathing the same air. Alive. While all I have of Chae is memories that are held in my head. I can't see her, I can't touch her. I can't do anything anymore but long for her. Yet that's all I do and yet, I seem to be contempt with it.

I know Hana is patiently waiting, but how long am I going to make her wait? I hate myself for it. I hate that I can't just move on. Chae's been dead for almost 20 years, but she holds such a strong attachment to me. I still visualize her, I still see her every now and then and it makes me nervous. Makes me scared to think that maybe I'll never move on. That I'll lose them both.

After sitting at her tombstone for an hour and thinking very deeply, I got up to leave. I need to at least try harder to move on, for Hana's sake. I need to stop coming. I need to say my goodbyes.

"Chae..." I mumbled quietly, "I need to really let you go. Forgive me, forgive me for failing you. I'm sorry for it everyday that I couldn't save you from what happened. I know that you don't blame me, but for years I couldn't help to blame myself and I've kept this sort of guilt, but I think I need to finally forgive myself. I've beaten myself for up for years, but now that I have Hana... I really can't afford to let her go. I can't lose her, I can't live without my source of happiness anymore. I already lost you, but I promise I will never lose her. Forgive me for finding new love, for replacing you, but she makes me so damn happy." a tear had fallen from my eye but I quickly wiped it away.

"Your not coming back... no matter how much I sit and sulk here, you're not coming back. I need to accept that." I bent over slightly and kissed her tombstone one last time.

"This is our goodbye." I took a deep breath as I turned from her grave.

I decided to just walk. I wasn't going to stop anytime soon. I'd walk until I've fully cleared my head, till I've fully gotten Chae out of it.

✎...

As I approached a local park my heart dropped. I know that figure. I know that smile. Hand in hand walked Hana and some random guy. She was smiling and laughing at the side of some man, a man that wasn't me.

I felt a slight pain in my heart. Did she forget about me? Did she get tired of waiting? Am I too late?

So many thoughts and questions had invaded my head. I don't like this feeling. I gripped at my chest. I felt as if I was emulating what it feels to have heart ache. This was new. I've never felt this kind of feeling before now. It's strange, and I don't like it.

I could only stare at them as they casually conversed at the opposite side of the park. This was torturous, but I couldn't stop myself from looking.

Slowly rain had begun to fall, but I didn't move. I couldn't bring myself to. I watched as they ran off still hand in hand, I hate this.