My Amazing Boyfriend [Park Jimin FF]

Chapter Thirty-Two

After we both had calmed down I led Jimin to my room. I grasped his hand lightly. It still feels so surreal that he's here. That he's by my side right at this very moment. I've longed for this for so long. However, when I should be feeling extremely happy and relieved, I'm worried and anxious.

He's clearly not been doing well, but me on the other hand... I've been doing great. That's what makes me anxious. I've been living so comfortably and I've been happy since I've gotten here. He looks like he's been tortured and tormented since I left.

I've even had my heart beat fast for another person. I've never been so conflicted with myself. I'm disgusted... I'm ashamed. I told him I'd wait for him no matter how long, yet here I was getting all too close with Jungkook.

I slowly pushed open the door to my room as I led us to the bed. I plopped myself down and patted the spot next to me. Jimin was really quiet. He looked just as nervous as I did. He hesitantly sat next to me as I angled towards him.

We could only manage to stare at each other. We were both scared to talk. Every now and then our glances left each other and wondered around the room.

I have to say something. I don't feel right if I'm not the one to start, "I'm sorry!" my words came out as a shout as I shot my head down, bowing to apologize.

He scoffed a bit, "Sorry for what?".

"I- Jimin I think I fell for Jungkook." my heart dropped to my stomach.

Jimin looked upset, but not surprised. Which only made me more nervous. "Did- did you know?". 

"I saw you guys earlier... near the park. You were laughing and holding hands. You looked happy. Calm." he smiled softly, "You know Hana, that's all I could ever want for you. Is for you to be happy. For you to be smiling." he sighed, "It hurt like hell to see, but what can I do? I never took the time to properly put you first. To put your heart first. I took you for granted..." his voice hitched. 

Tears began to form all over again, "No. You never took me granted, or I've at least never felt that way. You've made me happy, you've made me smile..." the tears fell slowly.

Jimin's hands went up to embrace my face. He watched me carefully as he wiped away each tear, "Hana, you're not happy right now. Your not smiling... every time I'm with you, you end up crying. I've mentally damaged you so much." he leaned my forehead in as he laid his against mine, letting our foreheads touch.

He gulped harshly, "I want you to be happy... and I know you're unhappy when you're with me.".

I pulled our foreheads apart, standing with my anger, "You're wrong! You've never made me unhappy! How many times do I have to tell you?!" he always says things like this.

"Hana-" I cut him off.

"No! You listen to me! Stop it! You're being selfish. You- your always putting yourself to blame. Stop! I'm to blame too! I put myself in this situation. I fell in love with you, I just wanted you to only think of me, to only love and cherish me. I was stupid and selfish! I didn't stop to think how you were feeling, before it was too late. I hurt myself! You didn't do this to me! I did this to me!" I completely broke down.

He slowly raised from the bed and embraced me tightly, "Shhh..." he continued to stroke my hair until my crying ceased slightly.

"Hana Kim, I love you more than anything in this world. I can now finally say it because I finally let Chae go. For you I let her go because I need you, I need your warmth. For months I craved and longed to see you by my side again." he once again pressed our foreheads together, "I know I've made you wait and I'm terribly sorry. I should've gotten myself together sooner. I should've realized what I truly had sooner, but now that I have you here, I don't intend to ever let you go again." he seemed so desperate.