𝙢𝙞𝙨𝙪𝙣𝙙𝙚𝙧𝙨𝙩𝙖𝙣𝙙𝙞𝙣𝙜. - 𝚊𝚗𝚍𝚢 𝚜𝚊𝚖𝚋𝚎𝚛𝚐

stop seeing andy.

My ride back home was fast. My flat is 20 minutes away from downtown but it took me almost 15 minutes. I get to the elevator and I feel a heat coming from down my spine and going up to my neck when I start thinking about Andy. I get to the last floor.

"How was the date" Teri asks rolled up in her towel.

"It was great, he was so..." I can't finish because Teri interrupts me.

"So it was a date? You liar."

"It was not a date. If it was... he would have kissed me." I say, a bit disappointed. "But... he invited me for his birthday."

"And what did you say?"

"I said yes, of course." I lay on the couch.

"This is a great opportunity." Teri sits on the couch and puts my feet on her lap.

"For what?"

"To declare yourself to him."

"Are you freaking mad? I can't just go and... say things to him." I sit.

"Of course you can, you just need to know what you're gonna say, like rehearse."

"And what am I supposed to say to him? I've been in love with you since 9th grade and I couldn't say that to you, but now that we are older, I should manage my feelings like an adult and not like a high school girl?!"

"It was a start." Teri says sarcastically. "Wow, you have been in love with him for more than five years and never thought of telling me?"

Now that she pointed up like this, I feel guilty.

"I already knew though."

I chuckle. I wonder if he ever felt anything for him. Even for a moment.

"Do you think he will ever feel anything like this for me?" I doubt.

"[Y/N] look at me: if you keep thinking about it, stop now. This obsession will hurt you eventually. So, focus on yourself and if this whole thing gets harder, stop seeing Andy."

"What? Why?"

"Because you will get hurt, I'm warning you. You're expecting too much from this situation. You just saw him 30 minutes ago and you're already overthinking."

She's right. I shouldn't be putting my expectations on a guy, not even on Andy. If this whole thing works up, fine. If it doesn't, that's fine too, because I won't create expectations.

"You are absolutely right." I say, holding her. "I will focus on myself."

She caresses my hair. "I hope you actually listen to me."

"What would I be without you?" She chuckles and answers. "Nothing."

Suddenly my phone rings. We look to each other and I believe she already knows I'm expecting to be Andy calling and forgetting everything she told me one second ago. I reach to my purse and get my phone. Unknown number.

"Hello?"

"It's me, Andy." He says through the phone.

"Oh, hi." I whisper to Teri It's Andy and she rolls her eyes.

"I'm just calling to know if you arrived home safely." He sounds a bit shy saying that. I smile and unconscionably roll my eyes, making Teri snap her tongue.

"I just got home. How did you get my number?"

"Jorma."

"Oh. Well, I've gotta go now. We can talk later if you want." I try to sound cool.

"Okay then."

"Cool bye." I hang up after he says it back.

Teri looks at me, disapproving all of this.

"I'm not creating expectations, I'm focusing on myself."

"Who you think you're fooling?"

I kiss her cheek. I get up, take my purse and go upstairs to my room.

Back in Berkeley, we used to celebrate our birthdays in different ways: my 15th birthday was in George Florence Park at midnight, because Akiva decided to take weed for us, but I ended up refusing. Teri's 17th party on the Trader Joe's rooftop was pretty cool too, even though none of these "parties" were actual parties. We would buy some hot dogs, beers and a cake in a grocery store. I miss those times.

My phone rings again. Andy just sent me a message.

Text me back when u can. 

Not create expectations is being pretty hard when he keeps calling and texting me.