taetae wants love too!

the before after

It was a text from Bangtan - his family! Vibrating with excitement, Taehyung hurried to open the notification and felt that his heart was so full upon reading the message. 

It said, '태태 how are you? all your hyungies and jungkook miss you so very much!' 

Following the message was a cute selca of them, with yoongi looking grumpily into the camera with that soft and slightly worried look in his eyes. To the right of him, he saw Jimin eye smiling into the camera, his fluffy cheeks pulled up in a grin. Just above them was Hoseokie who was also doing his signature 'V' pose, albeit with a bit of a cheeky smile.

Just squished to the right of them was Jungkook and he was not only doing Taehyung's pose but he was also pulling off one of those smirks that made him look so confident. 

Taehyung felt his heart throb. 

'Damn, I really do miss them that much, huh' Taehyung thought wistfully. 

Sighing, he then looked to the right of Jungkook. He saw his ever so reliable leader, Namjoon-hyung. Taehyung had always looked up to and respected the man for not only his ability to be able to be a thorough and good planner, but Taehyung had also always understood how hard it was for his hyung to have led them through all of it and be there for them either emotionally, or physically.

Looking at Namjoon's visible smile on his face, he couldn't help but worry slightly when he saw his roommate's tired looks and the worry he held in his eyes. Taehyung hoped deep down that the rest of the members would notice and secretly try to get him to destress and take care of him.

Worrying his lip between his teeth, he looked away from his leader and finally saw his eldest hyung. Putting on one of his ah-jae faces, Jin was visibly trying to look funny. Taehyung would have laughed if only he didn't catch that glint of weariness in his eyes and the slightly slouched posture.

Taehyung furrowed his brow slightly.

'Did Jin-hyung and Namjoon-hyung have an argument?' Taehyung thought, furrowing his brows in concern.

Taehyung texted them back, 'Hey, hyungs...'

He bit his lip.

'Hyungs!'

Taehyung felt his eyes prickle with tears. What was there he could talk to them about? In his head were full of thoughts regarding the incident, and oh how badly had he wanted to vent.

Unfortunately, it wasn't up for him to decide all that. So, he took a deep breath, and deleted any remnants of the previous messages.

'Hey hyungs! I hope you are doing well! I'm having lots of fun here, really and the hyungs are so nice to me here too!' Taehyung typed away, trying his best to sound like how he usually was, 'The staff here make me feel really welcomed too! Ah, but I do miss you guys so so so much too!'

Furrowing his brow, Taehyung was somewhat displeased with what he had wrote. He didn't know how to address or help the two hyungies who were precious to him who currently looked as if they were going through some shit of their own. 

He decided to add a postscript in the end, 'hyungies! is everything okay? please don't fight! hwaiting!'

Taking a selca of his own, Taehyung sent it and eagerly waited for a reply from his hyungs. 

As a few minutes passed and Taehyung had not received any reply, he began lazing about. He left his phone upside down on the desk and instead decided to head out for a breath of fresh air as opposed to drowning in his own negative thoughts in the room.

Leaving his phone face up on his dressing table, Taehyung went to get changed. 

Dressed in an all black outfit with a mask for added protection, Taehyung took a glimpse of himself in the mirror, hoping that his fit wouldn't make him recognisable. To his dismay, while it did make him seem rather inconspicuous, but it did little to hide the bruises that were forming on his arms. Taehyung sighed and rummaged around his luggage, only to find a thin fleece jacket for protection. 

"It will have to do," he mumbled and put it around his shoulders. 

Taking extra care to leave his room silently, to not attract anyone's attention, he left his room. 

Unbeknownst to him, a certain male caught him skulking outside of his dorms and snapped a picture. Smirking, the male's eyes gleamed as he snuck away quietly.

Rounding the corner, Taehyung heard some very familiar sounds coming by. Perking up, he soon recognised them as his hyungs! 

Taehyung wanted so desperately to run up to them. To feel their familiar warmth cloak his whole body and sink in that safe, heavenly feeling of being around people who he loved. Taehyung almost sobbed with relief the moment he heard his favourite hyungies voices, and his favourite maknae's voice. 

Taehyung smiled, pulling down his mask and rubbing his snot away. He was more than ready to leap over. Only then, he caught sight of his own reflection in the mirror. 

He caught sight of how his bruises could all be seen through the sheer material of the jacket. He caught sight of the purpling eye he had. He took in the bite marks that littered the whole of his neck. 

And he hesitated. 

"What am I even doing?" he thought to himself, suddenly overcome with self-doubt and insecurity.

"Who do I think I am?" Taehyung felt the heavy weight of questions suddenly weigh down on him, and Taehyung's knees almost buckled. 

"Taetae," Taehyung felt his own rational voice getting smaller and smaller in his head, "Taetae wants to see his hyungies and say hello!"

Yet, he still steeled himself with the little amount of courage he had. He took a step forward, baring his little heart out, ready to greet them. 

But, unexpectedly, Taehyung heard something that changed everything. It gave him the chills, it simply ... paralysed him. 

Taehyung choked on a sob. The need to hide himself became even more fervent, and he relinquished the thought of ever seeing them face to face in these few months. 

Taehyung was afraid. So very afraid. 

A/N : hello! thank you to everyone who's still reading hngh I appreciate you guys soso much :) hehe really, no excuses for going off mia for a year now, but with everything that's going on guys, i'm just here to drop simple reminders uwu 

Do! wash your hands, social distancing and/or self-isolation, and please remember that all it takes is one single person to continue the spread of the virus :( i'm pretty sure that everyone has at least one person in their lives who loves them all very, very much, so please let's all not take any chances and instead take some measures to protect ourselves! I love all of you guys so very much, thank you soso much for the support still! Honestly, was lowkey planning to drop this haha but! I found some encouragement in the form of you guys :) And now, with this epidemic going on, I hope this update will be able to somewhat brighten your day shsjss yeah 

and! if you guys are able, please do help out these groups! honestly, head over to change and there'll be so many petitions that you can sign, without having to give money, if you're not able to! so let's all try to make the world a better place, a step at a time, yeah? :) 

https://uhrp.org/support

http://chng.it/X7MGVsqbjH

http://chng.it/zcfkthDZyn