Reborn

Chapter 4

Everything started to run smoothly. I felt like I always belonged there. Sean is amazing.

Our love life is fantastic, and yes, the sex too. He is an amazing lover, taking care of my

needs and making me feel like the most beautiful girl in the world. Everyday, I am more

and more convinced that I made the right decision. I couldn't understand how my family

couldn't see what an amazing person Sean is. If only they can see how well he treats me.

I'm sure they would be happy. But for now, I have to be content with things the way it is.

Hopefully one day my parents will come around and see the situation for what it really is.

I miss my parents so much, but most of all I miss my brother. Even though I'm six years

older than he is, we've always been incredibly close. We never had a fight. Not even as

kids growing up. The only disagreement we ever had was now, the fact that he had a

problem with my choice. Could he not understand where I was coming from. I've heard

those painful words so often, my heart just kept breaking. It got to a point where I

couldn't take it anymore. My father is a bully.

My brother and I had put a stop to him bullying my mother a long time ago and because

he couldn't treat her like crap anymore, he started taking his frustrations out on me.

Of all people, I honestly expected my brother to have my back. After all I always had his

back. I think this is the hardest part to deal with, losing my brother in all this mess. I

remember growing up with a little brother. I was the tomboy so my brother and I got

along extremely well. I remember playing cricket after school. I remember climbing the

guava and mango trees and cutting the ripe fruit for us to share, he couldn't cause he was

still little. My mother worked full time, so most of the time it was just my brother and I. I

guess that was how we ended up forging a really strong bond.

Don't get me wrong, my brother is an amazing person and I love him to bits. I don't think

I've ever loved anyone as much as I love him.

We are the total opposites though. I'm loud and out there, he's quiet, calm and reserved.

Such a wonderful soul. An amazing person. He's got so much strength. And so much

wisdom. I love that we could sit and talk for hours. I remember coming home from work

and after supper we would go to his bedroom. My brother would sit at his computer and

play music while I would dance my heart out. We both share an uncanny love for music.

And we more or less have the same taste in music. And I so love dancing...

My heart aches everytime I think of him. We shared so many memories, we never had an

altercation. Even as kids, we got along like a house on fire. Am I selfish for expecting him

to stand by me. The one time, I expected him to understand and have my back, he didn't.

Did I resent him for it? No, I don't resent him. I'm just disappointed. Disappointed that of

all people, I lost my brother. The most important person in my life. He always has been

my pillar of strength, even though he is the younger one. I lost my best friend. The person

I always went to for advice. My sounding board. My biggest fan. And my clubbing partner.

Thinking about him makes me wonder if I had actually made the right decision. It was a

feeling of losing your other half. Maybe a limb, a part of me was gone. Why did things

have to happen like this? Why did I have to lose everyone?

I remember when he was born. I was six at the time and was so excited that I was now a

big sister. And how I prayed for a little brother. I had prayed every single day for 9

months, as little as I was. I asked God everyday for a brother. I was over the moon when I

had learned that I had got what I prayed for.

My mother went back to work when my brother was 3 years old and there after he

became my responsibility. I guess that's where our bond started. It grew stronger every

single day. We were best friends, not just brother and sister.

When we used to go partying together, not a single guy would approach me, thinking that

my brother was my boyfriend. We look nothing alike. He got my mothers fair looks and

curly hair, I got my fathers darker complexion and straight hair. And he is well built so

most of the time we were mistaken for a couple. Yeah, we were that close.

I sit sometimes and wonder if he's thinking of me and missing me. I miss him every single day.

It's so hard to believe that he turned his back on me as well. Some things I can live with

and some things I don't think I can ever live with. I shudder at the thought. Where did it

all go wrong? I do understand where he's coming from but I know that if it was the other

way around, I would have stood by him. That's what siblings do, right? If there was more

of us, it would have been okay, but there's only the two of us. I just pray that one day

soon, he comes around. I just can't picture the rest of my life without my baby brother.