Reborn

Chapter 21

2013 started off quite normal, well, what was normal for us. My house still smelt like a shebeen even though it looked like a home. I couldn't wait to get back to work but that meant that the cycle was going to start all over again. Oh we had our good day, but the problem was that we never knew what to expect. We had to just go about our days and take whatever we got. You get to a point where you just accept things. You become tired of questioning it, tired of begging, tired of losing your marbles. You get to a point when you don't have anymore fight left in you. You get to a point where every day is a battle for survival because even though we had everything, life was still a struggle. My husband was using all his hard earned money on alcohol so I had to make sure all our needs were taken care of. It was a constant battle inside my head and inside my heart. I got to a point where I realised I had two choices, walk away and take back my life or accept my situation for what it was.

I chose the second option. Maybe by that point I was just using Darius as an excuse, but I knew in my heart that if I left, I would never see him again. Little did I know at that time that it would never have made a difference.

March 2013, our lives changed. Sean was at home for about two weeks and as usual he was constantly drunk. The day after I put new tyres, which was not cheap he drove into a ditch. He went to fetch Darius from school and before Darius even got near the car, he saw how drunk his father was. I had always told him that if his father comes to fetch him and if he's drunk, not to ever go anywhere with him. So, that day Darius refused to go with him. And obviously this pissed Sean off even more. I honestly don't know what went through that man's mind when he was drunk. But he always wanted to destroy possessions. Now, I know a lot of people will say its only material, it can be replaced. Yes, it be but I know how hard I worked and how much I struggled to acquire my material possessions and I knew if he destroyed it in a drunken rage, its going to take me a helluva long time to replace it.

So, pissed off Sean was obviously driving like a maniac. Pissed off that his son didn't want to get into the car. He drove into a ditch, jumped out of the car and walked home. He then called me at work to tell me what had happened. He was actually more upset about the fact that Darius refused to go anywhere with him. I then called his friend to assist as I had no idea what to do and by now I was seething with rage. His friend was away but he assured me that he will get someone to assist. I called Sean back and told him that he needed to go back to the car as his friends were going to help him. From what I heard, it took quite a while to get the car out of the ditch and to put the spare on. One of his friends drove him home because they refused to let him drive in the condition that he was in.

The next day he went and put a new tyre but that incident didn't stop him from drinking. Two days later, he was still at home drinking as usual but I think this time he hit rock bottom. Maybe he had time to think and realise that he could have killed himself or someone else. But he called me at work that morning, so drunk that he couldn't even string two words together and told me that he decided that he can't do this any more and that he's going to rehab. Obviously, I didn't believe him. When you've heard something over and over again and nothing comes off it, you really stop believing at some point. I mean, how many times did he go to AA and it was always just one meeting. It never led to anything. Cause Sean didn't have a problem. He could control his alcohol. He wasn't an alcoholic, how dare we even say that. The phone calls kept going back and forth. He had called a rehab and booked himself in. He had called his best friend to take him there. It was about a 2 hour drive so it was quite far away. I still didn't believe him and who could blame me. I've heard it all before. Then he called me to tell me that he's packing cause his friend was on his way. I still didn't believe him. His friend even called me when he got to our house to fetch Sean. Sean said goodbye to me but still, I didn't believe him. It was only that evening when I got home and everything was eerily silent that I actually came to the realisation that he was gone. I felt so free, I had a bounce in my step. My face lit up but at the back of my mind I knew he wouldn't follow through with it.