Introverted By My Thoughts [✓]

Natal

For me,
It's a day of sober reflection.
I spend the whole day thinking,
of how I spent the age I just grew past.

How it was; what I did; what I didn't do; for all it was, was it worth; the hues and pain; the laughs and smiles; the accomplishments and disappointments; the childishness, and mature moments; the friends I made, and the friends I lost. . .
I reflect,
on everything.

Thinking of how it's all gone,
And I can never get it back.
Thinking of how the way the life we live works.
Staring at the hands of the clock,
It becomes both sad and terrifying.
I'm growing up;
For some reason I am supposed to be happy.
Get a cake, and act all goofy like the rest them.

But I don't.

I stay in my room,
I scroll through my phone;
Replying texts from my loved ones who genuinely care.
I text them back, with a thank you, a smiley face, and a heart emoji attached.
It doesn't signify my mood in anyway,
But I know it makes them happy.
I feel the expression of my face;
It tries to put up a smile.
Not for me,
But everyone else around me.
Deep down, I'm sad.
Not depressed,
Just sad.

I go through to the day,
Pulling out fake laughs.
They all want to see me happy;
I know.
I give them a show,
an outstanding acting performance.
At the end of the day,
I take a stroll.
I go outside,
and walk alone.
I think about me;
What's left to do?
What's left to accomplish?
What's left of my mind to say?
And it always ends with me,
Telling myself,
I have a long way to go.
When it's nightfall,
I go to sleep;
Staring at my image reflection on my phone.
Mourning the death of an old me,
I'd never see again.