Casual Affair [Ryden]

Chapter 2

Ryan

"Ryan I think... Okay let's start from the beginning. It's been four years since you saw Brendon, right?" Danielle, my therapist, asks me.

"Actually four years, two weeks and one day...-" I start and I see Danielle grin. "-Uh... yeah. Four years."

"You still really love him, right?" she says then. My eyes start to water and I nod slowly. Oh yes. Iove Brendon more than anyone can ever imagine.

"I think you should meet him again."

I freeze. She must be kidding. No fucking way. I'm not going to face Brendon again!

"Are... are you mad?" I ask her confused. She shakes her head.

"I'll explain. Ryan, you only ever told him the safe version of your youth... He doesn't know what happened to you... Which is why he will not be able to understand why you had to leave him. Or did you tell him how scared you were?"

"N-no..."

"I think you should meet Brendon and tell him everything. He was your best friend. Maybe you guys were even more. Actually I'm pretty sure that he loves or loved you. But he deserves to know. And I really believe it will help you too."

"But he has Sarah now. He doesn't love me anymore."

"How do you know that? Maybe he only married her to forget you."

"What if that worked? Then he still doesn't love me. And if he does... I don't want to break his heart again... You know I'm having too much disorders... It'll be too hard for him to love me..."

"No Ryan. He doesn't know about your disorders, but you've always acted like them. So he already fell for the man with some difficulties."

I sigh and look at Danielle. Why is she always right?

"I'm scared."

"That he'll reject you?"

"Yes. Or that he'll push me again. Or..." I whisper when I think about the last time I've seen him.

"Ryan. People do push each other sometimes. But I know for sure Ryan, that Brendon is not like your dad." Danielle says and grabs my hands. She rubs her thumbs over them and it calmes me down a little bit. She is right, again. Brendon is not my dad. Brendon will never hurt or use me like my father did.

"Okay. But only if you come with me." I say finally.

"Of course I'll come with you. Should I call him?"

"Yes." I answer and tell her his number.

"Hi is this Brendon Urie? ... Great. Hey Brendon. I'm Danielle, Ryan's therapist. And actually I was wondering if you'd like to meet him. He misses you a lot and wants to explain why he did what he did. Is that okay for you?"