Casual Affair [Ryden]

Chapter 4

Brendon

I stare at Ryan's house. I've been staring at his house for fifteen minutes now. I'm still trying to encourage myself, but it doesn't work. I bite my lips and remember what Sarah said to me.

"Brendon... He might want to see you again, and I can see you already forgave him... But what if he leaves you again? Can you handle that?"

No. I'll not be able to handle that. But it's worth trying. I need him. I already lived four years without him, I've got nothing to lose. Well... Maybe I'll lose Sarah one day. I'd be heartbroken, but I'd let her go. She deserves someone who can love her with his whole heart. That someone is and will never be me.

I take a deep breath and sigh. I can do this... I can do this... I step out of my car and lock it. I walk to the front door and knock. At first I hear no one, so I knock again. Then I hear footsteps and the door opens. It's a women my age. She looks a little stressed out, but besides that she looks very friendly.

"Hi I'm Danielle, I guess you're Brendon?"

"Yes I'm Brendon." I say and shake her hand. Danielle lets me in and points at the living room.

"There are a few things that you need to know. Ryan... that poor boy suffers from a couple of mental disorders. It's up to him to tell you what they are and how he got them, but the point is that he is very vulnerable and there's is nothing that scares him more than rejection from the people he loves. He's having a little freak out now because he's afraid you'll leave him when he tells you about his life..." she says and I can see her eyes start to water.

"Please, try your best not to leave him... I've seen him broken enough..." she asks me and I smile at her.

"I'll never leave him again. I love that guy so much. I promise." I say and Danielle smiles.

"Then go tell him that. If you need me, I'm upstairs."

We wave each other goodbye. I take off my jacket and my shoes. I take a deep breath and walk into the living room. What I see breaks my heart. Ryan is sitting against the wall, his head between his knees, and he's shaking all over his body.

"Danielle help me..." he sobs and then he yelps like he is in pain. I bite my lips, try not to cry, and I walk over to him. I kneel besides him and take him into my arms.

"It's me Ryan, Brendon. Shhh... It's okay. I'll never leave you. Never." I whisper. Ryan's body tenses, but then he pushes his head against my chest and cries.

I just hold him. I stroke his back reassuringly and place soft kisses on his hair. Slowly I feel him calm down. He raises his head and looks at me.

"You came." he whispers. I smile and nod.

"Of course I came you silly boy-" I smile to him, "-I tried to reach you so many times, now I finally have the chance!"

"You... you tried to reach me?" he asks me confused. I frown.

"Yeah. Didn't Jon tell you?" I say. Ryan shakes his head. He looks at me with his cute brown puppy eyes and I'm sure my heart just missed a beat.

"N-no... He only said that it was better for me to leave you alone..."

"He said the same to me... Well... he said that you couldn't handle me around..."

"I never said that!" Ryan says and I see new tears appear in his eyes.

"Did Jon lie to me?" he asks me and I hear the pain in his voice.

"No Ryan. He didn't exactly lie... I think he tried to protect you because he cares about you so much." I say. Okay, yes, Jon did lie, but only to me, not to Ryan.

Ryan gives me a little smile and rests his head against my chest.

"I can't believe you came..." he whispers. I smile and I wrap my arms around him.

"Ryan? You... you called me to explain everything. But I want you to know that you don't have to tell me immediately. Just wait until you're ready, okay." I say and kiss Ryan's hair.

"Brendon? With those words you made me ready to tell you." Ryan whispers softly. I feel he's getting nervous, but I can also feel that he still trusts me like he used to.

"It started when... When I was born actually..."