Casual Affair [Ryden]

Chapter 10

Ryan

I just had my first appointment with that therapist. It was... okay. She's called Danielle, and she said that she would listen to me, and that she wouldn't judge me. But what I liked the most was that she said that if I didn't want to talk already, I didn't have to. She was okay with just asking me about my hobbies, the movies I like, and she talked a lot about herself because I asked her to do that. I told her I want to know what kind of a person she is before I can trust her. She totally understood.

Right now I'm waiting for Brendon to pick me up. I actually don't want to see him. Well okay, I do want to see him but I'm afraid that he'll ask me questions. I don't want to answer any questions right now. I can't...

Then I see Brendon on his bicycle and he waves, I smile and wave back. He parks his bike in front of me and pats on the luggage carrier. I sit down and awkwardly wrap my arms around Brendon waist. I try not to think about the fact I'm holding a boy close now.

He's not your dad... he's not your dad...

Brendon looks at me and must see that I'm freaking out a little.

"Ry, you're okay?"

"F-fine..." I whisper quietly. "Just... just go." Brendon gives me a concerned look, but then he grips the handle bars and starts cycling. I feel his muscles moving and I blush. It feels so... I don't know. It feels good. No... No Ryan. Don't think like that goddammit! You can't trust gay people, or bisexual people... And above that, you're straight!

"So, how was it?" Brendon then asks me, ripping me out of my thoughts.

"Uh... it was... fine." I say, getting uncomfortable.

"You want to talk about it?"

"No... Rather not, if you don't mind." I say then. Brendon nods.

"That's okay. You want to-" he says to me, but I don't hear what else he says. There he is. Oh no... shit...

I cling onto Brendon and start shaking all of my body. Then my father notices me too, his face becomes really angry and he starts running towards us.

"B-Brendon..." I stutter.

"Yeah? Oh God Ryan are you okay?"

"M-my dad." I cry and then Brendon sees him too. He curses and starts to drive faster... I want to close my eyes but I can't, I'm completely frozen. Luckily I see after a few seconds that Brendon drives fast enough and that my dad is too drunk to run longer than ten seconds, but I'm still so scared...  I keep staring at my dad, and he keeps staring back, and then I finally close my eyes.

I didn't even notice we reached Brendon's house. I just sat there on the luggage carrier with my eyes closed, trying to suppress the upcoming panic attack, but as soon as I see we're home, I can't hold it back anymore. I start shaking even worse and I start crying. Brendon steps off the saddle and holds me close. I cling onto his chest and he just strokes my back, pets my hair, and keeps telling me I'm safe. Then my phone buzzes. I pick it up and read my text.

From: dad
I'll find you...