Chapter 17

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I sat quietly eating my toast. My mother held her head in her hands while I ate. I knew it was tough on her accepting my sudden life changes. She needed space and time to absorb the massive load that I dropped in her lap.

I finished my toast and juice, cleaned up after myself and went back to my room. I also needed to absorb all of this in. I knew I could relieve some of my energy by exercising, but with my sizzled skin it was not happening until I could move without pain. At times like this I did wish to have a school friend to squeal and act silly with. I had this big burst of excitement itching to come out.

I made my way to my window. I purposely wanted to see what Danica was doing these final days before school began. I saw no excitement by the pool. I knew I should never let girls like her influence me the way she had. She had turned my whole school life into terror. I would carry these memories with me the rest of my life. I would pass down my memories with my children and relive the nonsense again. Sadly I will be reluctant to even send my children to school for the fear of the misery that could be inflicted on them by a self centered, intimidating, bully.

I am not sure why Danica was inferior of me but I had been punished for it way too long. It's like over night she decided I was inhuman.

Tristen thought of me as special. I suppose I was when you compared me to most girls. I was not one to gossip, friend hop, or take over the whole bathroom mirror just to put on chapstick. I did not let other people's judgement affect if I would wear a dress or jeans on a certain day or occasion. I knew I would never impress anyone. I never had the desire to impress the snobbish peers at school. I suppose one of the main reasons was because I was over weight and I wore what was comfortable. There was no style to comfortable.

I knew it would be a slam fest of insults on me going back to school with confidence, pride, and dignity. It would be considered me being a wanna be.

I had made up my mind I was going to go in with the same confidence I had at the shopping center. I would be me, and I would own that confidence. I wasn't going to strut or draw attention to myself to gain followers. I knew my old reputation would hang over my head and I would be bashed with insults, but I would hold my head up, smile and walk on.

I hoped Tristen would never think of me as arrogant or big headed. I stayed at the bottom of the popularity ladder. I giggled to myself recalling him thinking I was quiet because I was with another guy. This shy,picked on, loner had no worries of that. But I loved hearing him compare me to normal girls. When I think the time is right I may tell him about my journey. For now I like to keep him guessing and hear who he thinks I am. Sadly it's the closest I will know about what normal girls are like other than my watching from behind everyone.

Ultimately I was proud of the person I had became. I had appreciation of life. I had trust from my parents, I had respect from my teachers, and I had people who supported me. Most spoiled kids had none of that because they was handed everything and had no appreciation of the value life offered. If their phone broke, it was replaced. If they was a new fashion out, they got the credit card. If they got a gift that was not high dollar, it wasn't good enough. I was so different. I never had a phone to break. It was not that my parents would not have bent over backwards to get me one, but I never asked. I saw no need. I had a home phone if I wanted to call someone. When stylish clothes came out, I admired them but I never wanted to try to buy them and be considered a wanna be. I was happy with what fit and was comfortable. No matter what kind of gift I received I loved it because it was bought with thought and kindness.

I hope Tristen wouldn't be scared of my lifestyle. I was simple to please and did not expect an expensive life style.

I continued to watch out my window. I knew if I was caught I would be considered a stalker. I giggled at the thought. There was nothing about Danica that admired. I just liked to watch how arrogant she was and also touch base with how the average spoiled person was. I am sure at some point she stared at my house to watch how a average nobody lived their life. It would also give her ammunition to fire at me when the time was right.

I laughed to myself. Whoever said a teenager's life was easy?

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