If Only You Knew (Troyler Fanfiction)

Chapter 21: Dreams and Secrets

Trigger Warning: This chapter has some self harm/suicidal thoughts so please don't read it if it will make you think about harming yourself in any way. And please don't kill me when this is over. Enjoy:)

Troye POV

It was dark and I was standing in the middle of a deserted street. I was all alone and my phone was dead. Tyler told me he was going to meet me here so we could finally have some alone time while our friends were sleeping. I paced up and down the block, just waiting for him to show up with his purple hair and a totally valid reason as to why he was late.

He never showed up.

I decided it was pointless to wait for him any longer so I walked into a small bar across the street to use their phone and call an Uber to take me back to his apartment. When I walked in it was basically empty, except for the few couples sitting at tables. I could already feel the jealousy pouring out of my mind. Why did they get someone who wanted to be around them and I didn't? Why did they get to hug and kiss the person they loved and I didn't? Why was it that whenever I tried to make something work with Tyler he would just abandon me? Did he really hate me that much? Did he really think I was that worthless so he just stood me up?

I am done with this night, I'm done with Tyler. I'm tired of feeling like a game, I'm tired of being treated like a joke. If Tyler only wanted me when it was convenient for him then I wasn't going to stick around just to have my heart ripped out of my chest again. I asked the bartender to use their phone to call a cab to take me home and they handed me the phone. As I was dialing the number I heard a familiar voice ask for 2 more drinks. I turned around and saw that it was Marcus. Why was he out so late?

Soon the bartender came back with two whisky sours. That was Tyler's favorite drink. After Marcus took the drinks I started to scan the room, hoping that maybe Tyler had come in here and was waiting for me. Maybe he had texted me but I never got it because my phone died. My eyes caught the purple hair that I was desperately searching for and I started to smile. All of my doubts about him faded as soon as I saw him sitting there. His blue eyes shining while the lights bounced off of them, the way his glasses framed his face perfectly, his defined jawline that I just wanted to kiss, the way his hair sat on top of his head like a fluffy piece of cotton candy, everything about him made me want more. The more I stared at him the more my feelings of anger and jealousy changed into feelings of admiration and love. I could never leave Tyler, he was my everything.

Putting the phone down I began to walk over to him but my smile faded when I realized that someone else was walking towards him. He looked strong and from what I could see he had an amazing butt. He took a seat next to Tyler and I felt my stomach drop and a sharp stabbing pain in my chest. It wasn't just any hot guy hitting on my Tyler, it was Marcus.

Marcus handed Tyler the drink and intertwined their fingers. I could see Tyler start to smile. I was the one who usually made him smile like that, but this time my place had been taken by none other than the flawless Marcus Butler. I saw Tyler grab the drink and he shouted out, "Thanks babe."

Tyler just called Marcus babe. That was my nickname, not Marcus's. I was Tyler's one and only babe. Marcus wasn't Tyler's, I was. I should be sitting in that seat, not Marcus. I should be with Tyler, not Marcus. Tyler loved me, not Marcus. But what if he did love Marcus?

I started to turn away. I could feel the tears forming in my eyes. The pain all became too much. I turned around and glanced at Tyler one last time and I saw him leaning in to kiss Marcus.

That was when I woke up. I started breathing heavily, I was covered in sweat and I could feel the chills running through my body. It had all felt so real, it was like I had just been living in my dream. I sat up and tried to calm down. Before I knew it I was crying. More like sobbing actually.