If Only You Knew (Troyler Fanfiction)

Chapter 41: New Beginnings

~3 Month Time Skip (Its been 6 months total since Troye left)~

Troye POV

I lied awake in the large bed staring at the boy lying beside me. We were so close together but yet it felt like we were a thousand miles apart. His usually perfect hair was sticking up in all directions and his beautiful green eyes were closed tightly as he slept. In his place I imagined the familiar small boy I had yet to forget over the past 6 months. I still remember how he used to blush whenever I complimented him, how he used to roll his eyes at me pretending he was annoyed but not convincing me because he always had a love sick grin on his face, and how he would hum the beats to songs when we were in the car because he was too afraid to sing anywhere but the shower.

I stared at the boy lying next to me and I felt a pain in my chest, he wasn't the one I wanted. The boy lying next to me had made me happier then I could have ever imagined, he stood by me and helped me through everything that has happened over the past 6 months but he can't fill the emptiness in my chest. He can't fill the hole in my heart, because there's always going to be a space reserved for the one and only Tyler Oakley.

I never thought it was possible to miss someone this much. I never thought I would want to see Tyler's face ever again. But I do. Even after everything he has done to me I still want him. I want to wrap him in my arms and feel his soft hair against my nose as I nuzzle my face into his perfect quiff, I want to stare into his beautiful blue eyes and fall in love all over again every time I look at them, I want to feel that same magical feeling I got whenever I saw him smile at me. I want our old relationship back, I want everything back. But I can't take back the past 6 months. I can't take back the fact that I left him for the boy lying next to me. I can't take back the fact that Tyler replaced me with Marcus. I can't take back any of it, but if I had another chance I would make sure we did it right. But I'm not going to get a second chance. It's over.

I glanced over at the sleeping boy lying beside me, and a small smile found its way onto my face. I thought I loved him, I thought he was the one for me but now I'm not so sure. Love is supposed to feel like this, the butterflies whenever you look at them, the goodnight kisses that make your heart flutter, the cheesy texts even though you're sitting only a few feet apart. It was the picture perfect relationship that everyone envies and an author would base a cliché novel off of.

Everything about our relationship was exactly how love was supposed to fell like, but if this is what love feels like then why do I feel lost and alone? If this was what love feels like then why do I want to run away and hide? If this is what love feels like then why does everything about this feel so wrong? If this is really love then why does it feel like I'm dying inside? I'm lying here in the middle of the night trying to convince myself that the one I love is beside me but the more I think about it the more I realize the one I love is lying in a bed somewhere without me. As much as I want this to work with Brad I know it never will, because the only one I will ever want is Tyler. My heart will always be wrapped around his finger, and even though I can't stand to admit it I am still undeniably infatuated with Tyler Oakley.

I slowly made my way out of the bed, careful not to wake the boy sleeping beside me. I went into the closet and reached into the back left corner. I felt the fabric against my skin and I grabbed the leather strap. I slowly pulled out the suitcase, careful not to make any noise. I clutched the suitcase to my chest and quickly walked into the living room, closing the door behind me carefully trying to make as little noise as possible. I sat down on the stiff white couch and turned the on the lamp that was resting on the table adjacent to the couch. The dim light supplied little help in the pitch black room but I could still see clearly a few inches in front of my hands and that was all I needed.