If Only You Knew (Troyler Fanfiction)

Chapter 29: The Truth Comes Out

Tyler POV

My hands clenched the steering wheel so tightly that my knuckles were beginning to turn white. My heart was pounding and I could hear its rapid beating over the blasting music coming from the speakers of the radio. Tears stung the corners of my eyes and I tried my hardest to focus on the road but I couldn't, not when he was all I was thinking about. I'm not even going to say his name, maybe if I pretend he doesn't exist he will disappear from my memory.

If only it was that easy, you can't just run away from someone and hope that the distance will lessen your feelings for them. If anything the distance makes you totally aware of your feelings for them, it was as if the farther I traveled from him the more I wanted to turn around and love him. I can't do that, I need to get over him.

What we had wasn't real, I can't keep fooling myself into believing the perfect picture I had painted into my head of how I would spend the rest of my life with someone I loved more than anything, because it just wasn't reality. I refuse to let myself fall into the deep hole that is loving someone who never gave a damn about me in the first place.

"TYLER SLOW DOWN!" Marcus yelled as I skidded across the road, nearly flipping the car over in the process.

Maybe you shouldn't drive a car going 89 miles per hour while thinking about the worst breakup you've ever had the privilege to experience.

"Sorry Marcus, I'm just a little distracted."

"We're 3 blocks away, can you just hold it together for 45 seconds because I kind of like having my body in one piece." Marcus was visibly shaking from our near crash experience. He was right, I had to keep it together. In less than a minute I could finally get home and cry myself to sleep. That sounded like a good plan.

I continued driving, this time at a legal speed and pulled in front of my apartment building. The frigid air matched the coldness I felt in my heart and all of the stars had seemingly disappeared from the sky, matching my dark mood. Now without Troye I really didn't have anything to look forward to, he was the center of my life for the past 2 years and without him I felt a physical hole in my chest. It's like someone just ripped out a piece of my heart, well in a sense Troye kind of did rip out a piece of my heart but I guess I should have seen it coming.

Nothing is ever perfect like the movies, life isn't a happy joyride where everything magically falls into place and you ride off into the sunset with a seemingly flawless chain of events leading up to that moment when you gain everything you have been searching for. Everything may seem fine but that's the thing, it only seems fine. Beneath the smiles there are lies and sometimes people only hug you to bring you closer before they plunge the knife into your back.

All of this negative thinking isn't going to change anything, I know. I can sit here and wallow in self-pity or I can get over the lie I had been wrapped up in for the past few weeks, but if I'm being completely honest I don't want to get over it. I don't want to forget. Unlike Troye, the feelings I had were real. I had never felt like that before, and even though it was all just a lie a small part of me is still clinging to the hope that this is just a terrible dream. I never knew I could love someone as much as I loved Troye, as much as I still love Troye.

I felt the warm water cascade down my cheeks against my frozen skin. I wish Troye was here to wipe away my tears, he always comforted me when I needed him. But he wasn't going to be here anymore, what we had, whether it was real or fake, is over. I can't stand to write another page of this story. I guess some endings are never meant to be written and sometimes you just have to close the book and start another one.

I opened the door to my apartment and saw Zoe sitting on the couch with Alfie. God I hated them and their perfect love. They were always happy, there was nothing complicated about it. I would've done anything to have had that with Troye, but I guess wishing isn't enough when the person you're wishing for is just looking for a game to play.