"Mom?"
"..."
"Can you buy me a box of pads? My period came."
"Uh I think you should check who you're calling because one: I'm a male, two: I'm not your mom, and three: I have some spare pads."
"Why on earth do you have pads?"
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~ Valentina / Hunter ~
"How are you holding up?"
"I'm alright. How's work? Did Josh almost shove your hand in the blender again?"
"Boring as always and no. That was only once!"
"Honestly, I'm not even going to ask."
"That's a wise choice. Ignorance is bliss. Is that a bark? HI LOKI!"
"Holy fu-"
"Language young lady."
"ck! You didn't have to scream in my ear! If I go deaf, you're paying for the hearing aid."
"Pshh. You have strong ears, you need no hearing aid. Anyways, your ears held up against my quote and quote 'ugly voice'."
"So you admit that your voice is ugly! Ha!"
"Wha-? No! That's what you said and my voice is normal!"
"You sure 'bout that pal?"
"I think I just got pal-zoned."
"Take that!"
"..."
"Are you on drugs?"
"Are you?"
"No. You?"
"Maaayyybeee."
"What?! Where's Matt? Put him on the phone."
"Big bro went to work and relax. It's just the medicine."
"Please tell me you didn't take more than you should have..."
"Well my heart started hurting so I took three Tylenol."
"Shit. You're not suppose to take more than two! What happens if you overdose or something?!"
"Reelaxx. I feel sunshine and rainbows!"
"Okay you don't sound okay. I'm coming over."
"Aren't you working?"
"Yeah-"
"Then you can't leave!"
"And why not?"
"Because...because...."
"Because...?"
"You can get fired!"
"No I'm not. Boss lady told me I can leave whenever I want since she knows about a certain girl who's very important to me got into an accident."
"What girl?"
"..."
"Why? You jealous?"
"You better not be cheating you dump piece of shit. Watch your back because I'm going to hunt you down wherever you run to and castrate you with a saw!"
"Damn..."
"Well?"
"Why are you laughing?"
"Stupid, didn't you get into an accident?"
"Oh. OH. OHHHH!"
"And you call me Dumbo."
"Tater Tot is sleepy now. Adios copain!"
"Wait does that mean a pain the ass?"
*Beep Beep*
"Damnit."
**************
Copain = boyfriend in French
Hah I'm writing this at 3 in the morning. How my brain is still working I don't know. Cauz I'm awesome that's why. Just kidding. Not really. But I'm kinda half asleep at the moment so excuse me if I'm typing gibberish that doesn't make sense.
Hunter: *pokes author*
Author: *Mumbles incoherently*
Valentina: *snickering* She's dead. Let's roll her under the bed.
Josh: *walks by and shakes head in exasperation*
Author: *jerks awake* You touch me and I'll erase your existence into nothing ya hear me?
Hunter: Someone's on their time of the month... hey I got pads, you want one?
Author: I don't need your pads. Save them for your girlfriend, who knows where you even put them.
Hunter: *raises a hand*
Author: *raises an eyebrow and hovers a finger over the delete button* You wanna test me?
Valentina: *drags Hunter back through the screen* Bye!
