"if only.." TordTom highschool au

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<\°∆°\> Omgerd your actually gonna read my garbage??))
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Trigger warning
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Tom's pov
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I sat there, alone, silent, watching my acholic of a father drink everything away as I waited for him to tell me I could go back to my room. But that never happened.

He took a swig of his drink, Smirnoff to be exact, before he punched me and sent me falling to the floor. Red blood dripped from my nose as I looked up at at my father, refusing to let myself cry for him.

The man my mother once loved kicked me in stomach, making me cough up blood. I curled up and hugged my stomach with a groan. Still no tears.

He started getting angry with me, kicking me multiple times in the chest while screaming things he usually screams at me, "you fucking slut! It's your fault she's gone! I hate you!"

Yeah, that's the normal. And the girl he's talking about is my mother. Everything was fine until she died in a car crash.. a crash I just so happened to be in with her.

I was only eight when it happened. A semi truck rammed into us, are car fell off the bridge. I remember laying on the ground covered in blood after the fall. My mother's arms wrapped around me as she told me everything was gonna be alright. But she bleed out.

That's why it's my fault. She bleed out trying to make sure I lived. But I wish she let me die. It should've been me not her. Oh well, I'm rambling. Back to reality.

My so called father kept kicking my stomach and chest. I could feel the air leaving me. He eventually stopped and passed out from stress, that's when I started crying. Tears ran down my face, I cried loudly, wishing for my mother to come back. I miss her so much.

She died at 6:33 p.m, on Feb 30. 29 days from now. 29 days, till I join her. I want to die on the same day, same time, and be with her. I can't stand being in this hell anymore. Everything hurts and I hate it.

I stood up and held my bruised up stomach as I walked to the bathroom. I took off my clothes carefully and examined my scared chest. Some scars from my father's, some mine.

I grabbed my blade from the bathroom mirror and slid it across my pale, already blood covered arm. Watching as I made more and more marks.

One cut turned to two, two cuts turned to four, four cuts turned to eight. I kept going, made fifteen new cuts before I finally set the blade down. I then took off the rest of my clothes and started the shower.

I soaked the floor with my blood from cutting but I'll be sure to clean it up later. I winced in pain as the hot water touched my newly opened wounds. It kinda felt nice to be honest...

I took a shower, nothing special. Just washed my hair and body, made sure to get soap in all my wounds. I cleaned them though so you don't have to worry. I always clean them, yes I hate myself, but I still take care of myself. Kinda.

I stepped out and sighed before changing back into my clothes. I made sure to clean up all the blood around the house before I went to my room and locked the door. I then flopped on my bed and closed my eyes as I felt tears threatening to fall down my cheeks again.

It's ok though.. tomorrow I start my first day at my new school. I won't be at the house for my father to kick around. Things will get better. But that won't stop me from leaving with my mom.

645 words
Love you all, Bye