"if only.." TordTom highschool au

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SLIGHT SMUT WARNING

Tord pinned me up against the wall, our kiss getting more heated. He bit my lip asking for entrance and I of course gave him permission.

His long tongue explored every inch of my mouth before he pulled away with a smile. "I've always wanted to do that with a boy.." he chuckled, let go of me, then left the shower before grabbing his clothes and leaving the bathroom.

He just fucking left after kissing me like that.

Who the fuck does he think he is??!

But the the real question is, what the fuck are we? Like are we dating or friends with benefits? What did he mean by, "always wanted to do that with a boy."? Is he just using me?

Of course he is. I'm nothing special, who would want me as a friend let alone a partner?

I stood there for awhile and just thought about things before actually taking a shower, wanting to wash every inch of him off of me.

That wasn't ok. I don't want to be here. I shouldn't be here. This isn't home. I don't have a home. Why is this happening to me. Why can't I be normal.

I then punched the shower wall, not hard though, just enough to make a loud sound before whisper yelling at myself, "Stop!"

I just want these thoughts to go away...

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After my shower I got dressed and walked to Tord's room with a blank face. I took a deep breath before walking in and just glaring at him.

"Oh, hey Tom." He said with a smile while I just ignored. I still need to be nice though... He did help me... But he's still a dick! >:0

He sighed and rubbed his face. "sorry about earlier.. I don't know what came over me.." he said quietly before sitting up from his bed. "we still friends?" He asked.

I nodded a bit and sat next to him on the bed. So we're friends.. nothing else Tom.. just...... Friends.

He smiled and rubbed my head while I just sat there, I eventually started purring quietly which I'm guessing he wanted me to do cause he then cuddled into me and nuzzled my neck as he rubbed my back.

I purred loudly for him... Is this what friends do? Make out then forget about it and go on with life? (Yes-) this is weird.... (Ik my child now shhhh)

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I woke up in the bathroom. The last thing I remember is falling asleep with Tord so how'd I get here?

I looked down to see blood... Why... I looked back up and at the mirror just to see me but with monster like features staring back at me.

I started to cry, it smirked. I couldn't breath, it was laughing. I had a knife in my hand, where'd it come from?

I cut into my arm. I yelled at myself to stop but I couldn't. The bathroom started to disappear. I was back at home. My dad was here. He hit me, I fell.

More blood.

I kept crying, it kept laughing. My dad was yelling. My mom was screaming.

What am I talking about, my mom's dead. I'm dead.

More blood.

More cuts.

More bruises.

More broken bones.

More burns.

More laughing.

More crying.

More screaming.

More yelling.

Why?

Why is this happening?

What did I do to deserve this?

Everything went dark.

Everything went quiet.

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I shot up from bed. Tord's bed. On the opposite side as him. No where near him. I looked around, breathing heavily, shaking like crazy, still crying.

I stood up and walked over to my bag. I grabbed my blade before walking to the bathroom.

I locked the door.

I took off my shirt.

I ripped off the bandages.

I looked at my arm.

I stabbed it.

It went red.

I had no reaction.

I stared at the red blade.

It looked so satisfying...

I pulled it out and cut around the stab mark in my arm.

Then reality hit me.

I dropped the knife and went to get help as more blood came from my arm.

I went pail.

The room went dark.

I fell with a loud thud.

All I could see was it.

Then I woke up in a hospital.

Oh shiz I just wrote that.
As you can kinda tell, I'm going through some hard times.
So I'mma write depressing shit until I forget Wattpads a thing and I'm supposed to write more chapters. :D
{760 words}
Love you all, bye!