Broken Vows

Chapter Six

Yufa

After encountering Nathan's fury this morning, I stayed in my room for the rest of the day. I've been lying here in my bed, getting tangled in the sheets, seeking comfort which it provided nonetheless. When I felt hungry I had Martha bring my food into my room, too afraid of encountering Nathan on my way to feed my roaring belly. Stepping out of my comfort zone means the greater chance of us, bumping into each other and I don't want be near him when his mood is sour. I had enough of his venomous tongue and his deadly eyes for this day.

Six months had passed. Six long months. Everything happened so fast that I can barely keep a record on when Nathan had snapped at me. Its like almost every time he sees me, he snapped at me or sometimes looked at me like I was a stranger in our home. The first time he snapped at me was something I'll never forget. We were inside the car that will take us to our venue after our wedding. I was so nervous just by sitting beside him. He radiated some kind of icy air around him which I had a very hard time on dealing with. He had been running his hands on his silky black hair more than necessary and from there I knew he wasn't feeling alright yet I still asked him. The moment that stupid question escaped my mouth, regrets followed.

Nathan could be somewhere in the house relaxing or maybe he left after changing into something decent, I have no idea. After all, he goes wherever he wants to be without telling me or Martha. Nathan has his own world, restricted enough that I found no entrance into it. I wonder how does he feel right now. How does his world revolve around when he always seclude himself from everyone except for his sister which he treated differently. What demons kept him in, in such way he never lets anyone get close to him. Is he even fighting with them? Or  he lets them in and let them ruin him from the inside?

I don't know Nathan. Sadly. But what if he is silently battling something worse within himself? What if our marriage troubled him more than I do?

"....I had to protect someone so important. You should be thankful to her."

His words came ringing into my mind. Someone so important. A family perhaps? Her. His sister? No. If he is dealing with something dangerous, that speaks for his edgy behavior. I sighed and forced myself out of the bed. I opened the window and let fresh air calm me down.

So much for the dangers.

Probably, I was just imagining things. Maybe its just how Nathan is. Cold but not completely heartless. There has to be a way to break into his life. I am his wife after all.

Wife. A bitter laugh echoes inside my mind. A wife that is not a wife. A stranger wife. A wife that never knew her husband and has a little-next-to-nothing chance in knowing him. And I refuse to. After all, I am still his wife and he is my husband. We're both entitled to take care of each other in sickness and in health. Till do us part. Right?

Maybe I crossed the line this morning and lied to his mom, he was furious and I apologized. Then maybe its time to make amends. I should cast aside my fear and pride if I wanted this marriage to work and somehow make things more favorable than making it worse by keeping myself confined in this four cornered-room. Pride won't get me anywhere. I should stop thinking about myself so much and focus more on us. He will push me away, but I should not falter. Even a single drop, if consistent, will put a whole on solid pavement. If a single drop can do it, why can't I? It's time for me to work harder than I used to.

I closed the door behind me and silently crept into the empty corridor. The house was eerily silent. Martha probably had gone to bed along with the other maids. I continue wandering around the house looking for my husband. He wasn't in his room, yet his car was just sitting lonely on the garage which means he's still somewhere in the house. I reached the balcony and peered through the glass doors but there wasn't a sign that he'd been there. I sighed and opened the door. I stepped into the open space and was greeted by the chilling winds that kissed my skin and blowed my hair.