Broken Vows

Chapter Eighteen

Yufa

I was so embarassed.

I grew up in a community where people are so conservative, that even a slightest touch in your hands could get you in a serious trouble. People think this is indeed the 21st century, where tolerance is practiced as if everything we do is to be accepted without any complaints. We often forgot our morals because one wrong move and everything you will do will backfire to you, too afraid of what everyone will say about you. We tolerated wrong doings so much that we forgot we are already hurting someone.

The moment I reached home, tears never stopped falling from my eyes. I was so embarassed that I couldn't stop them even if wanted to. Maybe I was too hurt, or maybe my baby felt my embarrassment and he was hurting too. My poor baby, he shouldn't be feeling this way. But no matter how I dry my tears, still they keep streaming endlessly.  The last thing I remembered was crying, and when I opened my eyes, the sunlight peeking through the windows stung them. I must have fallen asleep while crying. I tried to get up but a sickening feeling settled on my stomach and my head start throbbing. I almost forgot about my morning sickness. I lied back down and reached for the candies I was hiding under my pillows. I opened two pieces and shove it into my mouth. Candies helped with the sickness and it eases the pain in my belly. Because I rarely eat, my stomach seemed hollow, I am hungry though. When finally I decided to eat something, my appetite would retreat back into deepest parts of stomach and block the entrance of foods which is so annoying. The candy did appease that feeling anyway. It's sweetness battled with the bitterness of my mouth and kept the sickness at bay.

Nathan didn't came home last night. What do I expect anyway? Him coming home and discuss about what happened earlier? That's so not like him. He won't rub it on my face even if I wanted him to. He just wanted to embarass me and make sure that I won't do it next time. Even if I spend time figuring what was he thinking that time, no answers will ever come since he is Nathan; cold, heartless, a man with very few words.

I continued about my day, the next day, the next weeks and months. It has been 2 full months since that day. Nathan rarely comes home saying he was out on some business trips, but I'm not buying any of it. Maybe half of it is true since he is a business man, but the rest is spent on his bloody womanizing habits. I've tried so many times to get his attention to tell him about my pregnancy but each time I approach him, my confidence eventuallu dissolves into  a heap of stammering words and I end up irritating him.

His absence offered a good opportunity though. I renovated one of the spare rooms of the house and convert it into a room befitting for a baby. I painted it green because I am sick of pink and blue. Green would suit either for a girl or boy, or maybe both. Who knows? A twin will be more than enough. I painted it as early as I can so the scent of the paint will fade as soon as the baby is out. I already filled the room with a wooden crib, stuffed toys and everything a baby needs save for the clothes. I still wanted to know the baby's gender before I shop for his things. Arriane helped me with the renovation plans since she experienced it herself. Her advices will be of much help considering I am having a hard time deciding which is which.

I also spend too much time travelling. I don't know but travelling seemed to lighten up my mood. Usually, Arriane would invite me over the Mansions since I already told her about what travelling is doing with my mood. So instead of coming over to our house, she would let me come to her and together we eat something sweet since she have an incredible passion for sweets. So much for sweet tooth. She would bake cookies and cakes for me and she  makes the tastiest icecream I've ever tasted. I devoured them to my heart's content.

"Are you and Nathan really okay, Yufa?" Arriane asked for the nth time. I pursed my lips and put down the cookies I was munching happily.

Of course we aren't okay. Ever since we got married, we never have mutual understanding on certain matters. We always end up arguing with each other.