Because I Had You | Ryan Blaney | Book 5

Chapter 15 | something's gotta give

McKayla's POV:

The past two weeks have felt off to me. People were acting different since Chase and Lennox separated, especially Ryan. After I told him about my argument, more like a conversation, with Lennox, he'd seemed distant for a few days. I tried to put a finger on why he was acting the way he was, but I couldn't solve the mystery.

The darkness crept inside the bedroom as I fell asleep with a busy mind, meaning I wasn't getting any sleep tonight. Chase had been on my mind 24/7. As his older sister, I worried about him and his mental health. As my eyes finally began to shut, the squeaky front door opened downstairs. I assumed it was Ryan coming back from a late night at the shop, but there was a second voice accompanying him. Curiously, I got out of bed and headed downstairs.

"Don't worry about it Chase," Ryan whispered.

"I will until you tell her." Chase kept a hushed, low toned voice.

"I made a mistake and I won't make it again. Why can't we just move on and forget about it?"

"Because she deserves to know the truth? She's your wife, Ryan, not to mention she's my sister. If you don't tell her I will."

"I know she does, but she's going through a lot right now. Chase, I promise I'll tell her when the time is right, okay?"

"Tell me what?" I blurted out. Chase turns around, his face was frozen and pale as if he'd seen a ghost. "Chase, Ryan, what's going on?"

"Sorry man, you're on your own," Chase says stepping aside. Ryan sighs and leans up against the counter, conflicted about what to do or say next.

"Okay, fine," Ryan says putting his hands up defeated. "I'm drinking again, there I said it."

Those words hit me like a ton of bricks. I never wanted to hear those words again. I was one of the few who saw what drinking did to Ryan back in high school. I took everything in me to trust that he'd never slip back, and I believed him with all my heart.

"How long?" I asked with my arms crossed.

"Little after Peyton died." He shamefully replied. Everything, all the times Ryan disappeared after her death, it all made sense to me now. I believed he wouldn't slip, so I made up every excuse for him to be gone for hours at a time.

"Chase, you can leave," I say arms crossed, still looking down at the ground.

"You sure?" He questions. I nod, he hesitates to leave Ryan and I alone, but eventually, he leaves us to sort things out.

"McKayla, I never meant for any of this to happen."

"I get that you needed your time to mourn, but you know just as well as I what drinking does to you," I state. "While I was here with our kids, you were out there doing the one thing that caused both of us a whole lot of suffering."

"I won't make that mistake again."

"I've heard that a million times Ryan. Once you start, it takes a lot for you to stop."

"McKayla, I promise you this time."

"As much as I want to believe you, you know this is the one thing I can never trust you with. I went through so much emotionally and mentally when you first started this back in high school, I don't wanna go through that again, let alone have our kids go through it."

"I would never put our kids through that."

"If you were so quick to put me through it, what makes you think you won't do it to them?" I say. I didn't know how loud we were talking until Noah came sleepily down the stairs.

"Mom, what's going on?"

"Nothing sweetie, go back to sleep," I say calmly. "I'm done talking about this Ryan, we'll discuss this later," I say leading Noah upstairs. I tucked Noah back in and checked on the rest of the kids. I passed by Peyton's room, which was still left untouched ever since she died. I haven't been in her room since the day before she was rushed to the hospital. I took my hand off the doorknob and headed into the bathroom.

Ryan's POV:

I was hesitant to go upstairs, but I did. McKayla wasn't laying in bed, but I noticed the bathroom light creeping from underneath the door. I pressed my ear against the door and heard her faintly crying.

My heart broke, I felt like I failed as her husband. I put her through so many things and expected way too much of her. She allowed me to pursue my dream all these years, as I expected her to take care of the kids not having any time to do the things she wanted to pursue. While she was here taking care of the kids, I went behind her back and started drinking again.