Equals (An Arthur Pendragon story)

A Decision Made

I find a space in the woods and set up camp. After making a fire I cook myself some meat from my pack on a spit.

I can't believe him. How can he be so ignorant to the way life is? People aren't good or bad, it's what they decide to do. I can understand his mindset towards the magic because that's how his been raised but his dismissal of me that I can't accept.

How can he call me naive? I've been out in the real world and suffered more than he knows. The things I've experienced have hardly made me naive.

I've always thought he respected me because of my skills but perhaps he doesn't. Perhaps he doesn't see me as any more than a idiotic woman with ideals about a world that can't exist.

Snap. I look up to see a figure. They step forwards to reveal Merlin. "What are you doing here?"

"Everyone was worried when you took off." He joins me at the fire as I turn my spit over. "I tracked you over here."

"I'm sorry about your friend Merlin." He nods.

"Arthur's..."

"Don't Merlin. Don't go there please. I've already gone through everything in my own head."

The sounds of the forest and the fire cracking filled the silence. It's comforting to have Merlin here but that we don't have to talk. His not pushing me to either.

"I'm going back to Camelot. I have to protect Arthur." He looks at me. "He might not know it now but he is the one to change the world and I have to believe he can change."

"And if he can't? If he won't change, if he won't accept that magic can be used for good? If his not the saviour everyone thinks he is?"

He sighs, "I just have to believe."

"I believed. I've believed in people before and I've lost everything because of it. Some people can change, some can't." I take the food off the spit. "I can't take this anymore."

"Is this about Arthur's view on magic or your feelings for him?"

"I suppose they are linked. His mindset and my feelings are getting in the way. My arm is a sign of that, I jumped in front of that blade without thinking." All my feelings build up. "It's frightening Merlin. I've lived for a long time not having to think about any of this and now it's freaking me out. How can I feel so much for someone who I can never have? There's no future for us and these moments we have are just going to break us."

I continue to rant out, "and he called me naive? Is that what he sees me as? A naive little girl whose just waiting for a man to straighten her out. He knows he can't be that man yet he tries. Why is this happening to me?"

"I don't know." He admits.

"Thanks for listening Merlin." I smile at him. "Your a good friend."

*

We end up meeting the others on the way back to Camelot but I've made my decision and now I just need to stick with it. For everyone's sake I have to do this.

The ride back to the castle was long and awkward with Gwen and Morgana making small talk and Merlin talking away as per usual. Arthur and I travelled either side of Merlin but I refrained from looking in his direction.

Finally we arrive at the castle and are greeted by stable hands who tend to our horses. "See you later girl." I pat her before entering the castle.

I walk up the stairs and head towards my room when a hand grabs my arm. Turning I find Arthur, "can we talk?" I nod and we both silently walk to his chambers as they are the closest.