Veiled Diaries #2: Mask of The Blues

MOTB 41

Mabagal pacing ko dahil ayaw ko ng masyadong time skip at hindi ako magaling sa transition. Hindi ako pro writer, sorry ha. Hindi ako nagrereklamo sa opinion at comments tungkol sa story at characters dahil hindi ko naman binuong flawless ang fictional characters at story na ito kaya ayos lang sakin pero kung nawala ang feels niyo, ayos lang na hindi niyo na rin ituloy ang pagbasa. Salamat.

#MOTB41

It takes time to heal, Mommy is always reminding me that everything takes time. Katulad ko ay marami rin siyang pinagsisihan noon at hanggang ngayon ay dala niya pa rin ang lahat, ayon sa kanya.

Rekta was always around, in all honesty I know what he's up to... that's just for me because of the last words he told me but I think he's helping me in many ways. Hindi lang isa ang naitutulong niya kundi halos lahat, it's really unfair to think but to give back everything he's giving me, I want to take his help because I know he won't do this if he doesn't like it in the first place. Sa ilang buwang lumipas ay hindi ko na alam kung paano ako nakakaahon pansamantala ngunit agad ding nalulunod sa lahat ng kahapong naranasan.

"Annunzio." I called softly with a smile on my lips while looking at his peacefully sleeping face. "It's been almost a year. Statice already gave birth to your son, Amadeus and he's very healthy. I know you've been responding to Statice and Mommy these past weeks, I know you'll come back to us soon."

Eleven months na siyang comatose, maganda naman ang kanyang signs dahil rumirisponde siya madalas kapag bumibisita sila Mommy at Statice nitong nakaraan. Statice already gave birth and Mommy is always taking it to their house and Statice is feeling free, bumalik siya sa Espanya upang bisitahin si Fab at hindi iyon magtaka na ang tagal niyang nawala. She'll be back this week, too.

Napatingin ako sa labas ng silid kung nasaan si Mommy at Daddy na abalang nilalaro ang kargang si Amadeus habang si Daddy ay buhat naman si Duccio, iyong tatlong taong gulang na anak ni Deila. Iniiwan niya parati iyon sa amin, hindi ko alam kung anong pinagkakaabalahan niya pero naaawa ako sa anak niya na parang walang choice kundi ang magpaiwan. Sa akin iyon naiiwan parati, doon sa may tinitirahan kong rest house kaya kahit saan ako pumunta ay nakabuntot siya. Naalala ko pa noong inaalagaan ko rin si Arki sa Spain, ganito rin ang pakiramdam at nakakatuwa ang mag-alaga ng bata.

"I'm sorry, Zio. Mayroong times na nagkagulo sa pamilya natin dahil sa pagiging impulsive ko, I couldn't control my anger. I've scolded Mommy for being a monster, I know how much you love Mommy and yet I called her bad names." I sighed. "Sorry for hurting the family we love even though we are informed about everything inside this. Sorry, K-Kuya."

Hinawakan ko ang kamay niya at nginitian ng malungkot.

"Dalawang buwan na lang magiging mommy na rin ako, malalaman ko kung gaano kahirap itong maranasan at magsisisi sa lahat ng pananakit na nagawa ko kay Mommy noong mga araw na hindi ko kontrolado ang sariling isip at kilos." I chuckled bleakly. "Hanggang ngayon, hindi pa rin ako nakakapagsorry sa kanya pero gagawin ko iyon. I don't wanna force you to wake up but you need to see your son who looks like an angel, malayo talaga kay Atis."

I haven't apologized yet for being a bad person in the family because anger consumed my mind and soul. I was never a controller of my own anger, I know that. Living alone is like reminiscing everything happened, everyday was giving me realization at the end. Mommy chose Venturi to give me early freedom from the marriage and Venturi knew that, I'm still in the beginning of I don't know how to accept. I still need to learn everything.

After giving birth, I'm planning to visit the Zobel's mausoleum in Spain. I wanna go back there for Venturi. I heard they put his jar there so everyone can visit whenever they want, kahit isang araw lang ay gusto ko siyang mapuntahan dahil hindi ko siya nasilayan sa huling pagkakataon. They didn't give me a chance, I just kept the emotion within me because I don't want to be stressed especially while carrying my baby.