Lil Mama

one

Jackson, Janet ✨

"You can't erase it, you cannot change it, some shit you just gotta live with."

Tears crowded my eyes as I stood before the person I once loved so deeply. Why was I not sad? Instead bitter rage was pulsing through my veins. I wanted to break everything around me. I wanted to go out and cheat back-- God, why could I not do him how he does me?

Three times.

This was the third time alone, he had once again thrown away something that was so sacred. I was the only one that put energy into this. It was almost as if loyalty was a foreign word to him. For years, I stood in this spot, this spot of knowing that I couldn't take this any longer but trying to love him through it. My eyes traced over the hickeys that rode his body as if it was their own personal freeway. Starting at his neck but straying as they lowered.

"Baby, she ain't mean nothing to me aight?" He put his sweatpants on to cover his body.

"Rene, do I look dumb?"

The end of Janet and Rene was here. She was leaving this exactly where it stood. He was draining her soul, almost as if she was a energy drink and he was sipping it out of his personal coffee mug.

"J, baby, it was a mistake. I swear."

My mouth opened and closed several times for I was trying to find the right words to speak to this man standing before me. Finally, I shook my head. "I'm leaving. This.... Us, we are done."

I turned to leave the room just to be yanked back in. "You mine. You aren't going anywhere." He slammed me against the wall and raised his hand.

A scoff fell from my lips as he did. "Go ahead, do whatever you have to do."

Rene had never raised his hand to me before, so I wasn't really sure what this was about to accomplish. Was he going to beat the image of that woman in our bed out of my mind? Or scratch the sight of her and him desecrating the sheets that I had hand picked out of my eyes? Maybe he would slap the smell of her perfume on his body out of my nose. Maybe he would bang my head against the wall until I lost the visual of him whispering in her ear as if she was his only one. If that didn't do it, then maybe he'd stomp my head in until I could get her moans out of my ears.

Maybe he would, if I was lucky.

His hand slid down slowly as he backed away. "Janet, I'm sorry. I just-- you can't leave me alright? Please. Don't leave me. We are supposed to be forever."

Walking out of the room, I did not hear him following. I grabbed my car keys off the hook as I headed out the door. A drink... I was in dire need of a drink. Getting into my car, I headed to the only bar I knew about in town.

Listening blindly to Rene, had led me to a town called Laughlin. A little ways from Vegas, it deemed a small and intimate spot. Still, it was way different than what I was used to as a child. Totally and utterly different. When I made it, I got out, noticing lots of motorcycles outside as I did. This was a huge bar, I had never caught it empty since we've come down here. Guess other than gambling and cursing, a sinners other pleasure is alcohol.

When I walked in, all eyes snapped my way. The dress I was in was tight, but it was my rebellion years. What could I say? Ignoring the looks, I walked up to the bar. The bartender nodded in my direction and I announced my order. "Whiskey sour, on the rocks, please."

He nodded and was about to turn around and make it before a man spoke to him. "Make that two, and put it on my tab please."

I looked at the man, he was baring his biker vest and had his patches knitted neatly into it. "Thank you, but I can pay for my own."

Chuckling, the man shook his head as the bartender sat my drink down. "Me paying for your drink is not saying I think you can't pay for your own my dear. It's saying that I think you are drop dead gorgeous and I want to treat you."

Rolling my eyes, I replied after sipping some. "I am flattered, but no thank you."

"You think you too good to sit and have a conversation with a brother? Damn, I'm just trying to be a gentlemen and it's bitches like you that make that hard for men like me."

My eyebrow lifted. "It's what? Sir, like I said, I am flattered but no thanks. It is men like you that make it hard for women like me by being cocky, anger issue, having little boys. And I'm not a bitch, if I'm a bitch, your mommas a bitch."

"What'd you say?"

"Oh, you heard me." I nodded as I drunk half of the drink and sat it back down. Getting up, I dropped a twenty dollar bill down on the table as I headed for the exit.

When I got outside, he came around me and stopped me from getting to my car. "Nah bitch, I don't think I heard you correctly at all."

"Get out of my face." I instructed him as my nostrils flared harshly. "Move!"

"Move me bitch." People had begun coming outside to enjoy the show he was recklessly beginning to start.

Shaking my head, I tried to step around him just for him to push me down. I hit the ground with a thud and people began to crowd around us. I was about to whoop his ass, it was as simple as that. Before I could get up, a voice yelled out. "Leave her alone."

The dude looked over at the person. "Man, Ink-,"

"What did I just say?" This time I knew it was a female and she made her way through the crowd. "Leave her alone Turk, I'm not saying it again."

He smacked his lips as he glared at me. "You got lucky this time bitch."

When he walked away, the crowd slowly began walking off. The woman stuck her hand out towards me. "Let me help you up."

She was obviously a biker too, I could tell by how that man listened to her. I met her half way and she pulled me up. I dusted off my dress as I spoke to her. "Thank you."

"It's no problem." I began walking away and she called out to me. "Hey! What's your name lil mama?"

Turning around, I replied. "Janet."

She nodded. "Alright Janet, it was nice meeting you."