Jenlisa's Curtain [Short Stories]✔️

25- Fix Me (Pt. 6)

JENNIE

Why am hurting so much?

Why am I feeling that I lost a chapter in my life?

How did I.. Lost my own self?

I look up at the ceiling while laying on my bed, I feel empty in the midst of hatred.. I rewind all the moment I had with my counselor. I feel stupid.. I feel so stupid! I trusted her, I almost gave my all to her, my world, my feeling, my soul.. I thought she is the only person who can really complete me, help me from my drowning self, and fix my messed up life. I was wrong all the time..

I was reaching a hope that never actually existed. Tears escaped from my eyes. Its been one week after Lisa declared that we have no session to attend anymore. This one month was a short meaningful period for me, I feel alive everytime I think about her.

And this one month made me realized..

I love Lalisa Manoban..

I love her because the idea of our attachment and chemistry, the way she cared for me, the way she flows out her gentle concern, her glittering eyes when I open up about myself, the way she sweep my insecurities away. She was starting to change me, the way I think and the way I act. I'm more brave than before, knowing she'll be there for me assure me that I'm going to be okay.

I'm screwed.. I know all along that this relationship is prohibited, but I just can't help myself from drowning in her gentle embrace. Damn it.. It's hurt.. I hate that I'm hurting. I trusted people too much.

The thought of my past start to attack my insecurity, minute by minute, second by second.. I try to breathe slowly to ease my mind, just like Lisa always told me to. The image of my mother being beaten, asking me for help.. Every motion of my father, stabbing her over and over again.. My sister arival and her rageful self, fighting my father to death.

I can't..

No..

I trusted a person too much to make all these crazy things fade, to help me from myself.. This killing past, regret and sorrow. Lisa's face, Lisa's embrace, Lisa's care, Lisa...

My vision got blurry all of sudden... I can't breathe, this is too much for me to handle. I can't feel my body, every inch of my body are vanishing instantly. I just cant handle everything anymore.. I stumble on my feet, trying to find something to support my weaken body, all the fears mixed with insecurities and the feeling of wanting to drown are too much for me.

I gasp for air, it's suffocating me.. I struggle for few minutes, I crawl to search my phone.. I need help, I really need it, I'm not brave enough for this.. But my body seems refusing. I'm losing my breath.

I lost again.

"Jennie run! Don't you ever dare to look back!"

"Mom!!!!!! "

"Go Jennie! Run!!!"

"No unnie.. No.. "

I'm running against my fear to reach for mom and sister, they were laying on their chest with blood, I'm almost there.. Almost..

Dug!

I feel a hard tug on my wrist pulling me roughly from behind, I look at the person who tugged me.

"You're not going anywhere my little girl" My whole body trembles at the sight of my father raging face, his clenching jaw and his fury dark eyes, full with anger and insanity.