Real Love

Happy & Sad

  Theo left shortly after the movie ended and Edwin was quiet for the rest of the night. He had wished they could've really had their moment after saying "I love you" for the first time. He couldn't help but blame himself. "If you were out things wouldn't be so shitty." He thought to himself. His phone buzzed. He didn't check it. He was in his room alone, crying. "It's all your fault. You're so miserable but you're doing nothing to fix it." His mind was forcing terrible thoughts upon him. Hot tears began flowing down his cheeks. After his phone went off again he put his comforter over his head and started trying to fall asleep.

   He woke up throughout the entire night. Multiple nightmares interrupted his sleep. He kept imagining Theo breaking up with him. When he woke up it was 4am, his head was pounding. Assuming he had a migraine, he went to the bathroom to get medicine. Shortly, he returned back to bed, finally checking his phone. The screen read;
Message from Theo <3
Just got home! Miss you already xx
Do you want to stay up and talk?
Goodnight :)
I love you.
A wave of mixed emotions rushed over him. He felt so bad that he had ignored all of Theo's texts, but the reassurance and love was nice to hear. Even thought it was 4:30am he sent back,
Sorry, just tired. I love you with all of my heart. XO

  Edwin looked over to see Nick squinting at him. He didn't notice his phone brightness was up so high.
"Why are you up?" Nick mumbled.
"I had a headache." Edwin replied, putting his phone down.
"Were you crying?" Nick asked sympathetically, sitting up. Edwin nodded. "Do you want to talk about it."
"Aren't you tired?"
"Doesn't matter."
"Alright, well...it's just...it's all my fault." Edwin sighed.
"What's all your fault?"
"I've been happy with Theo, but overly anxious and sad all at the same time."
"Explain more. Why are you sad and how is it your fault?" Nick moved to Edwin's bed.
"I'm constantly worried about being caught. It's my fault because I'm closeted. I could fix this problem if I really wanted to, but I'm not. Why am I not fixing it?" Edwin's tears returned. Nick rubbed Edwin's hand with his thumb and hushed him.
"I know it's not my place to say but, I think you can do this. You can come out to Zion and everyone else too. You're getting a lot more confident and you have something special with Theo. I don't want you to lose that."
"Do you really think so?" Edwin wiped away his tears. Nick nodded.