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mini update uwu ✎
jisung broke down once he made it to his bedroom. he couldn't believe he saw chenle after fucking eleven years. chenle didnt change one bit and could recognize him anywhere. he honestly thought chenle was dead. xiu, chenles mom, didn't even reach out to us. it worried jisungs entire family. jisungs mom tried to call xiu but she never picked up.
for eleven years, jisung told himself:
hes the reason they left. hes the reason why chenle almost die or did die. hes the reason why he was left alone. hes the reason they would never see each other again.
he said it everyday. and after a while he started to hurt himself. he wanted to feel what chenle felt.
pain.
he bought a razor and didn't hesitate to start cutting. he never told his parents and they never noticed. just a few years after cutting, his father passed away from a heart attack. this brought more depression and self harm. his mother did everything she could for him after his father passed away. thats when she started noticing jisung acting more strange than usual. one day she was spying on him and walked in on him as he was cutting himself.
they both cried a lot when she found out. jisungs mother blamed herself for his depression and should've taken more care of him. jisung refused she would ever say that though. as jisung continued to grow up, he became more distant from his mother and somehow found friends. they also found out about jisung the same way his mother did. after that, they all gave him the love and support he needed. they tried their best to make jisung stop his harmful ways of ruining his body. they knew jisung. they knew he was a loving and caring boy, and they knew he loved them. it was rare when he would crack a joke and make everyone laugh. they always tried to make the best of it. his smile always made them smile, it was truly contagious. those were the best times but when jisung goes into a depressed state, its not all fun and games anymore.
renjun grew a soft spot for the boy, he might even say he has a small crush on jisung. it wasn't big though so it was fine. at least thats what renjun tells himself.
jisung finally begins to calm down after crying for almost an hour. he uses his sleeve to wipe the wetness away and enters his bathroom. turning on the tub, he unclothed himself. he cautiously stepped into the water, feeling its warmth cover up his entire body.
he noticed his trusted razor on the side of the sink. he grabbed it and stared at it. he wanted to cut. he wanted to feel the pain. he liked the pain actually. it didn't hurt, not anymore. but at the same time, he finally got to see chenle again.
his brain was telling him to do it. but his body was telling him no.
do it. "no" do it. "no" do it. "no" itll be over soon, jisung. just a couple cuts and it'll all go away. "no stop it. get out of my head please."
jisung sobs filled up the room once again as the voices kept telling him to harm himself. as much temptation he felt, he let go of the razor and it fell to the ground. his chest heavily rises up and down.
he promised chenle he wouldn't harm himself. just like he promised he would never leave chenles side when they were young. he missed all the good times they had together and not even can he remember them. he missed chenles cuddles. he missed his teasing even though he found it annoying at the time. he missed his adorable smile. he missed his small cute gestures. he missed his love for him.
jisung thought,
i miss you, zhong chenle.
✎ talk about circular ending wOah 😌
i just realized i have lacrosse try outs for my school,, currently shaking
i also jumped over a fence with my friends, almost got arrested 👉😌👉 but didnt 🤪 i need to stop with the emojis-
