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She didn't want to count the days anymore.
The changing season ensued. Her closet all emptied and refilled with something new. Her hair dyed.
"Omo! Kim Kai! Cha Jayoung!"
The other chefs seemed taken aback by their new looks. Chef Kai decided that his hair needed some flare and painted his hair bright pink like her best friend Jimin had previously adorned, which actually looked dazzling on the man. Jayoung who went with him thought pink reminded herself of something special, but not to copy her chef's homework without paraphrasing, she went for a darker shade with purple highlights that now brought out the devil in her eyes.
"A bunch of unicorns just entered my restaurant." Immediately, Chef Yixing crowded her and Chef Kai, poking and lifting their new strands of colorful hair. Anything colorful always attracted the old man, drawing him in like a moth flying blindly towards the lights. "Both of you need protection."
Chef Kyungsoo and Chef Chanyeol also came to inspect the new colors, silently awing at how well it turned out. Chef Kris and Chef Tao, on the other hand, didn't give two shits about anything.
"Hey, Kai-ah..." Chef Chanyeol started when the others left, leaving the three of them alone. She could tell at that moment that Chef Kai's heart just leapt out of his chest as evident on his surprised face, eyes genuinely shocked. "Wow, did I surprise you that much?"
"No, it's alright. What is it, Chan-ah?"
Oof. That sounded exactly how she called her dog, but she wasn't going to tell them that.
"I was thinking about you – two – umm..." Before Chanyeol added 'Two,' she swore Chef Kai lighted up like a firework. "I wanted to propose to my girlfriend. And I didn't know who else to ask, so... Can you help set it up?"
It was tragically amazing how the first expression that Chef Kai showed at the statement was happiness. Like genuine happiness. Her eyes blinked. The girl stood there, watching the two grown chatted with one another as they'd always been best friends. Well, they were but... not even one second did she see that pain that was supposed to show on Chef Kai's face. His voice high and his gestures big, his words congratulating the other man and showering him with promises he would keep.
"It's alright if you can't join, Yongg –"
"I'll go." Her eyes met Chef Kai's with worry, but all the man returned was a coy smile and a wink.
That proposal night, Chef Kai had on his Chef uniform while she put on her seemingly normal waitress attire. Her mind screamed at the fact that for so long, she had been a waitress and nothing else, but right now, this wasn't really the problem.
Her hands followed closely to Kai's, copying his every move, moving away when he stepped forward, the two of them working together in sync, but when she caught a glimpse at how beautiful Chef Chanyeol's girlfriend was, Jayoung just shook, her hands started trembling, her eyes blurred, her mind fragile, the girl broke down in tears, leaning against the counter.
"Wh- what? Yong? What happened? Did you burn yourself?" Chef Kai stopped everything, turning off the stove before coming to her side.
"How are you.. how do you..." biting down her lips, she only wailed harder when Chef Kai hands came to pat her back, holding her close. "Aren't you hurt, Chef?"
But it seemed like the man refused to show her anything. His expression stayed worried, his mind on her instead of himself, not caring about his own pain. A long drag of breath, he said "Don't worry about me. Take care of yourself."
"But- but... shouldn't you tell him?"
Finally, something flashed in his mind. She could feel his hands went slack at her words for a second before going on to comfort her. A dry laugh, she could almost hear his soul being torn apart. "If you want me to tell him that much, I will."
"Really?"
"but not now." The look in his eyes. She knew that Chef would never lie to her. If they couldn't be together, he should at least let him know. "Can you stand?"
And the cooking went on like normal. The two of them watched the couple chatting and having a good time from the kitchen counter while Chanyeol would turn to look at them appreciatively. From time to time, she would chop the vegetable a little too hard as she stared at the woman feeding the snacks to Chef Chanyeol so sweetly, and Chef Kai would just chuckle at her childish actions.
"Why are you getting jealous? You're not even me."
The problem was he gave up.
Chef Kai just stopped.
All he did was watch the other chef from afar, never really attempt to get close.
The next morning, after school, Jayoung stretched and waited for the bus before a familiar figure stepped out of a car she knew to be his. She blinked and blinked and when he turned around, she knew that it was him. No other. He was in his suits again, his hair swept up like always. Her heart beat and broke when he smiled and walked towards her.
"Oppa?"
She was there, arms open ready for the hug.
But the embrace never came.
The man just kept walking. Past her.
And when she turned around to him having Rion in his arms, her legs wobbled. The needles in her heart. The fire in her eyes. The winter in her empty hands.
"NO!!"
3:47 am.
She sat awake that night and never went back to sleep.
