The King of Hearts (A Dramione FanFic)

Holes In My Heart

8 weeks later.......

Draco's ( POV )

The sound of a wailing child wakes me in the middle of the cold dead night.

I sigh heavily and push myself out of my warm bed.

I walk zombie-like over to Lily's crib and lift her slowly, yawning loudly into her ear.

I avoid looking at her face when I rock her in my arms.

I can't look at her.

Not now.

It's been eight weeks since the uh well incident and I have pushed it down into my body for me to deal with later.

I don't want to think about it.

The first week was enough torture.

I almost made the worst mistake of my life that fateful night of her.....passing.

FLASHBACK

"I'm so sorry, Hermione." I whisper into the cold thin air, looking down at the bustling people who didn't know what they were about to see.

"I'm sorry I couldn't save you." I continued. 

I turn away from the ledge for a moment, letting two small tears travel down my cheeks and onto the stone floor.

My sorrow and guilt is soon filled with anger as the image of her blood pouring from her mouth and Redow smiling flashes through my mind.

"Damnit!" I cry. "Damnit!"

My knees feel weak so I let them give out. I meet the cold floor with my head and let my sorrow return.

I cried for her many times, hoping I could see her beautiful face again, but no one came.

I peered over the ledge again and knew that it was time.

I stood and brushed myself off as I stood over to the ledge once more.

Half of my feet were off the ledge, making my balance uneven.

I hear footsteps behind me and I shriek of terror which only makes me smile.

"Draco." Someone says.  "Don't do this, please."

I recognize the angelic voice immediately and turn slightly to look at her.

I smile at her and say "I'm sorry love."

My right foot lifts from the floor and sends me over the edge. I hear her screaming my name as I drop. I see the grey pavement coming closer and closer to me and I embrace it.

'This is my end.' I think. 'But really it's the beginning.'

The wind is whipping at my face, telling me that I did wrong, but I'm to strong for it.

I win.

I smile to myself as I am only a few hundred feet away from my end.

I will fill the holes in my heart now. I shall be healed.

I close my eyes when I see the pavement a foot away and think 'I love you, Hermione.'

But just when I think it's over, it's not.

I never kissed the pavement, never felt every bone in my body breaking, never felt that wonderful pain that would end my suffering, never felt so alive to be dead.

Nope. Because I was fucking scooped up by the damn chosen one.

I scream and kick and bite and punch for freedom, for the hopes of seeing her again, but I get none.

Instead I am whipped away for help and I never got that freedom.

Never filled the holes in my heart.

END OF FLASHBACK........

I shudder at the feeling I got when I jumped.

If Harry hadn't saved me, Lily would have been an orphan.

I kiss Lily's forehead once she calms down and place her back into her crib without looking at her.

I peer at the time which reads 3:54 A.M. and decide not to go back to bed.

It's not been easy for me to sleep.

So many nightmares.

And I don't remember a single one.

I brush it off and walk into the kitchen.

In the last month or so, I have been living in the muggle world with the rest of us. We all have separate apartments, however.

Ginny and Harry in one, Caroline and Ron in another and Lily and I in the last.

I brew up some coffee and drink it in one big gulp. I then make myself some eggs, my favorite morning dish, and eat that up quickly as well.

I do some little chores,  something I have never done and am getting use to, but soon am interrupted by my daughter.

I set down the pot I was working on and hurry to my bedroom.

I pick Lily up and rock her gently in my arms. I stare at the bed and see one side of the bed is messy while the other side has not a single wrinkle in it.

She is supposed to be in that spot.

I then forget my plan and look down at my daughter's face.

She is such a spitting image of her. So beautiful.

Hitting my leg, I look back up to the bed.

"Stupid." I mutter.

And almost for a second, I feel something touch my chest, where my heart lay.

I look down again and see my beautiful child touching my heart.

She pats my chest as if to say "It's going to be alright,  Daddy."

And then I don't feel so empty anymore. It almsot feels like I'm healed.

No more holes in my heart.

I smile for the first time in the month and kiss my baby's face, every area that I can reach.

I take my left hand and tickle her gently causing her to giggle.

I then realize that her laugh sounds so pure and angelic.

Just like her.

I'm wounded again.

The holes in my heart have returned.

And I remember my jump and how I felt free.

'I want to be free.' I think. 'Let me be free.'

But I can't be free.

Not with Lily.

I never noticed the tear that ran down my cheek and landed on Lily's cheek but I did notice her speak.

"Mommy luvs du." She spoke.

Since those three words were her first they sounded strange. But my mouth hung open and I cried into Lily.

"I love her too, Lily." I whisper to her. "I love her too."

*****

Yeah so ik this chap is kinda depressing but everything gets better soon! I promise!

And sorry it was short again but hw got me like -_______________-

Anywho, luvs u all ♡♡♡