Expecting Freshman (Editing)

Chapter 1

  Today is August 23rd, and now a day that I would forever remember because it was the day after my father was finally sentenced to 8-10 years in prison; although in my opinion he deserved more. . . so, so much more. He didn't deserve to be able to be released. I didn't feel bad for my father anymore, he deserved everything he got. He robbed me of so much - my safety, my love, my innocence. It had been two months since then, and things had not gotten any easier. I'd started getting sick, my body just couldn't recover from the pain it had suffered at his hands.

  I was living now with my grandmother, just the two of us in he tiny townhome. Even though she was older, I liked living with her. I cherished all the brownies she'd make me, I looked forward to her nightly check-ins and words of encouragement, and I prayed for more days of dancing while we cleaned the home. I was given the option to go live with my aunt, but she already had five kids, so why add more? I simply wanted to be anywhere but where I was before . . .

   Even where I was now. I sat on the closed toilet seat, just waiting for the okay from my grandmother. I was terrified to hear the truth, my palms were sweaty and my heart was pounding so loudly I could hear every beat. I then, at last, heard a gentle tapping at the door, "okay Abby, it's time," she said gently. I took a deep breath, Iooking at the white stick, at the pregnancy test my grandma wanted me to take; despite the hospital giving me one just hours  before.

    "G - grandma," I yelled for her hoarsely. I was even more afraid now than I think I have ever been.

   She came in immediately and took the test from my hands. She studied it silently, as if hoping the symbol on it would change. When it didn't, the test almost falling out of her hands as she began. "That ass--"

  "Grandma, don't," I said, "there is no point in dwelling on what that man did to me. I...I am pregnant now, we have to move on. For the baby."

  "I told your mother he was a no good, scum bag!" She yelled anyway, her anger getting the best of her. "I told he -"

 "Grandma, calm down," I whispered through my tears.

  "I will support you all the way, Abby," she said softly, trying to reassure me. She set the test on the edge of the sink and continued, "I will support whatever decision you make."

  I nodded, "th - thank you." I looked out the bathroom door, towards the kitchen. "Let's get some lunch, I'm starving."

  "Let's go my wnuczka," she called me her grandaughter in Polish, something that always helped me put at ease. Slowly we walked into the kitchen and I took a seat at the island, my mind running a million miles a minute. . . what gender will it be? What name will I give it? Will I have to them whom the father is? Will I keep it? "Abby," Grandma interrupted my thoughts and I looked at her, tears filling my eyes. "Come here." I did and I began to cry into her, her embrace welcoming my pain and fear.

  "W...what am I supposed to do?" I asked through tears.

  "Whatever you feel is right." She pat my back, "I can't force you to do anything, this is all up to you."

  "I am keeping it," I said hastily, but I wasn't sure of it until I realized the the words had come out of my mouth. "I know it'll be the toughest thing I have ever had to do, things are going to be rough, my plans are going change, but I can't loose something else. . . I've already lost so much."

  She pulled back to look at me, her eyes surveying me intently. "I figured you would keep it, you have your mother's head on your shoulders," she smiled, wiping my tears. "You're so young and have seen so much loss and been through so much, but you know what?" She asked, I shook my head. "You're smart, and beautiful, and clever; and you can do this Abby. And you have everyone's support."

  I smiled, "thank you." But I wasn't sure about what she said, you can never be sure about who supports who anymore - especially after everything that had happened to me.

  "So," she began, changing the subject, "Are you sure you want to go to orientation?"

  I nodded, "yes, gram. I'm sure that I want to go to school and I'm positive I can do this," I nudged her toward the kitchen, to signal her that I was beyond ready for food.

  "You don't need to go to school Abby," she tried, walking towards the kitchen. She wanted to protect me and teach me at home, but I didn't want that. I was about to start high school, as a freshman, and I was beyond terrified. . . and that was before the discovery that I held a baby inside me. But this is what I wanted. I wasn't ready to give up, I wasn't ready to give in. I was going to go to high school and would graduate and go to college, I was going to provide the best life possible for my little one and myself.

  I shook my head, "yes, I know; but I want too."