June 4th.
Ted has only kissed me once since that day.
He doesn't even look at me anymore.
Everytime I see him, when he gets in a heated argument with Bill I want to kiss him and distract him but I can't. Everytime I see him and Emma and Paul laughing all together I want to hold him and see him laugh and feel his joy. Everytime he looks sad, I want to clutch him and pull him into me like he did that day.
But I can't.
It's not fair.
Charlotte why.
Why did you tell Ted you'd fallen for him.
Why did you tell Ted that if he spent any more time with me he'd lose you even as a friend.
Why did you fall onto the floor at his knees.
Why did I have to walk in on you kissing his neck.
Why did I have to fall for such an asshole.
I should've known he could never like me.
He wanted a distraction.
Just like Chad wanted.
Chad. His olive skin. His green eyes. His blinding white smile.
The first time he kissed me, it was my first kiss.
He was the first guy I ever fell for.
He told me he loved me, and I said it back.
Part of me still does.
They say you never forget your first love.
And thats what he was.
Somehow he was taller than me.
He played football.
And he seemed proud to be my boyfriend.
The nerdy black haired boy I used to be.
He is the reason I started to dye my hair silver, he said my eyes looked prettier.
I remember how he used to have a musical tone to his voice every single time his friend would ask how I am. I remember how he used to smile at me if he saw me during a game.
I remember the anger in his voice as he walked into my room.
I remember him seeing the love bites covering my neck as Steve stood to leave.
I remember him covering Steve in bruises and me screaming at him to stop.
I remember how he wouldn't speak to me.
He didn't speak to me again.
I never saw his glittering green eyes, instead I saw poisonous glares across the halls.
I never saw his smile and pearl white teeth, all I got was bared teeth, anger.
I miss him.
He left shortly after.
I never saw him again.
The distance Chad gave me had reason, Ted didn't.
If I could read minds everything would be much easier but alas, I couldn't.
*teds pov*
He's always alone. I can feel him looking at me.
Charlotte treats me like I'm her boyfriend.
And.
I hate it.
He just saw her. He didn't know I'd told her I was in love with him.
He never knew I wanted her to stop talking to me.
Sexuality is complicated. Especially when everyone thinks you're straight.
Especially when even you don't know anymore.
"You two are so cute together!" "You're so much better for her than Sam!!" "I'm glad you're happy!!!"
That's all I ever hear. We aren't even together.
One day I walked in and there was a bruise on my neck. I tried covering it. I hated it. But Charlotte looked at it with pride.
I saw the hurt in Henrys eyes.
I should've run off after him and whirled him round and kissed him like I know he would've wanted.
It's what I wanted.
There he was. I found his hiding place. The drama room.
Charlotte was talking about some shit I didn't care about, "I'll see you later"
I left before she could say anything.
I walked into the drama room.
"Henry."
He was crying. I could tell. He was breathing the way he does when he's upset.
It's heavy.
And I can feel the air escaping.
He turns around after wiping his face and taking a final breath.
"Henry."
Fuck, he saw it. Another fucking bruise from Charlotte. I refuse to call it anything else, especially if its from someone who isn't Henry.
"Henry, we need to talk."
He looked at me. His eyes were deep in his head and it looked as though he was a completely different person.
His once soft lips were now chapped and bleeding.
His rosy cheeks were now rubbed raw from the amount of times hes wiped away tears.
His fluffy hair now lifeless.
What has happened to my boy.
MY boy.
He looked angry, for a moment, and I felt as though he would rip my heart out, as it seemed I had done to him.
But he gave up. He fell back and leant against the wall.
"I never meant to hurt you-"
"That's what I said to Chad."
His replies were cold and snappy.
"Henry, please just-"
I went to hold him, I want to hold him.
He pushed me away.
"What happened with Chad? Please Henry, I want to make it better."
I expected him to shout, to tell me he hates me. How I ripped his heart into 4 and fed it to dogs.
But he didn't.
He placed his head in his knees, and so i moved next to him and slid down onto the floor beside him.
When he had sat up, i put my head on his shoulder. Tense at first, then he relaxed.
He told me everything.
"Chad walked in on me and Steve. I treated him like shit. But he told me, he said that."
He pauses, and breathes in and mumbles to himself,
"What was that Hez?"
"Sorry. He... He told me that he never cared about me, he said.. He was bored and needed something to 'do'. He chose me, I was the thing he chose to 'do' I was hurt. And even though I had hurt him. I knew what he was saying wasn't just a way to get back at me."
I remember Chad. I never knew Chad and Henry had been together.
It was the same as me and Charlotte. But I didn't say anything.
Once he finished, we sat in silence. Comfortable silence.
"Did you know you smell of cinnamon, Ted."
No.
I didn't.
"Did you know Charlotte isn't my girlfriend, Henry."
He shot up.
"What? She's always clung to you. I mean hell look at your neck."
As he touched it, it burned. Loathing. Loathing for her.
"Makes Sam jealous."
A minuscule amount of life sprung back into Henry. His back was less curved, and his cheeks were less red.
He looked at me.
I rubbed my hands on his face, it was less smooth than it used to be. Probably because he'd rubbed it too much.
"Do you have that nice lip balm?"
What was he on about.
"What?"
"The one you wore when you first kissed me."
Of course I did. I haven't worn it since then.
It reminded me of him.
I put some on, and he smiled as he looked at my lips and then into my eyes.
I pulled him towards me and felt his rough lips against mine.
And again, I felt him smile as he clutch my waist and placed his hand on top of mine. The hand on his face.
We broke apart and he slid on top of me and slightly wobbled, I laughed as he tried to regain balance. I had to hold him and make sure we were both comfortable.
He wrapped his arms round my waist, and i wrapped mine around his. He moved his head to my chest and rubbed his hand up my back while breathing slowly.
I could've fallen asleep. And I'm pretty sure he did.
We were sat like this for a long time, and I never wanted it to end. Crying tired him out. It always did.
I kissed his head and rested my head on top of his, then looked to see if he had fallen asleep.
He had.
You know that tranquil feeling when all work has been done, and it's finally the weekend, and there's no exams. No stress. That's what this felt like.
What is this feeling? Happiness. Pure happiness.
I know there's a class that would be coming soon. And as much as I want to just stay forever this way. I know we can't.
"Hey Henry" I whispered.
Gently shaking him.
He lightly pat my hand away.
"Henry, we need to go there will be a class soon."
He started to stand up but as soon as I did he fell into me and I knew there was no way he would be able to make it through the day.
I picked him up bridal style and kissed his forehead. He was so elegant, even asleep. I went through the back.
Charlotte would kill me if she saw me.
Luckily because of the amount of times I've snuck out of drama in the past, I know the best way to leave the building at get to my flat, with no one to see you.
I felt like a prince carrying his princess back to the fortress. However I was Ted carrying Henry home. He talks in his sleep.
It's only quietly.
But I can still hear him.
His voice goes lower, usually.
I took his keys out his pocket. I'm not going to lie, I'm stronger than I thought.
I've never been in his house before.
It had blue lights circling the mirrors, and his bed.
His bed was so comfortable.
I was exhausted.
But I needed to make sure I was awake when he was.
So I sat.
Listening to each and every sentence he would mutter.
His mind was fascinating.
He was in a very deep sleep considering it was only 3pm.
I've missed him.
