A weak, muffled "Henry" follows the bang.
FUCK
TED!
McNamara had shot him, his eyes were glowing.
The ringing began again and won't leave.
I can feel my throat becoming coarse while I ran to him, but I can't hear anything.
Falling to the floor to get to his side, I reach for him but I'm thrown back.
Hands pull me up and feel my throat start to close up as McNamaras grip tightens around it.
Two more gun shots follow, and McNamara drops onto me.
More blood pours onto me, FUCK.
He had been shot in the shoulder and on the back of his head.
Emma scrambles to sit me up.
I can barely breathe.
Everything feels so slow but so incredibly dizzy.
I crawl over to Ted and start running my hands through his hair.
I know he won't make it.
And yet I can't help but hope.
"Please don't leave me. Please."
Emma grabs me by my shoulders, it's here.
"I can't leave him Emma. Emma I can't."
I'm being delusional I know. I've been told I'm crazy so many times.
But I genuinely don't know if I can make it through this.
He was the one keeping me sane.
I will never be able to hear him singing along to songs he claims to hate, dancing so awfully but so enthusiastically.
I won't ever see him fall onto the floor laughing after he drinks a bit too much, and then whining for me to join him or help him up.
I'm not going to be able to lie in his arms, or hold him in mine, until we fall asleep.
I won't be able to ever be pulled into him from anywhere, I won't feel his hands exploring when he's bored, vice versa.
I will never hear how soft his voice goes when he's worried, or when he's tired.
I'm not ever going to be able to kiss him again.
My Teddy.
Gone.
We all enter the helicopter, and instantly I bury myself into Emmas chest, sobbing and sobbing.
She strokes down my back, exactly how Ted used to, which only makes me cry more.
I can feel Paul awkwardly patting my shoulder, I appreciate it.
The woman flying the helicopter is explaining everything to us, Emma hums in agreement.
I can't focus on her words.
All I can hear is the last thing Ted ever said.
So weak.
And frail.
I saw him point towards me, and then fall to the floor.
So slowly.
I shouldn't have left his side, that way he wouldn't have been the one to die.
Maybe neither of us would've.
It's not about me. God I am just-
So pathetic.
We land somewhere I don't recognise.
Somewhere so far away from him.
I feel so empty without him.
He should be sat next to me,
"We made it Henry!"
He'd say, the biggest grin on his face.
"Now we can start afresh, together!"
He'd cup his hands round my face and kiss me so sweetly, I would be able to feel the smile spreading across his face.
We'd walk into Clivesdale, holding hands, maybe go for food, a walk through the park.
Saturdays would be date night, I'd dress him up everytime, maybe convince him to wear makeup. Date nights would probably most likely be us staying at home, cuddling on the sofa, probably not just cuddling.
But that will never happen.
Instead I slip out, we are greeted by some other PEIP people.
"Henry Hidgens?"
They know my name?
"Yes?"
"We are sorry for your loss. McNamara was a good man. And we will never be able to heal what he did."
I felt my face burn with anger at his name.
I hate him.
He took my Ted from me.
But,
I don't even have the energy to argue with anyone.
An hour passes, and we've been given a temporary house to stay in, so they can keep watch of us.
Make sure we're safe.
"You coming Henry?"
Emmas voice is so tender, so caring.
"I'll see you there!"
I tried to smile, it hurt me.
2:37am.
I walk slowly through the town.
It's quiet.
Tranquille.
There is a little drizzle in the air, not enough to soak me, but enough to dampen my hair.
I haven't looked in a mirror, but I can feel the blood that has dried on my face. If anyone saw me now, I'd look insane.
Je m'en fous.
