Untouched

7. Sunday/ Time to prove I'm not addicted-day

Sitting at the table in the canteen, we slowly eat the large bland bowls of porridge provided. Occasionally, as a treat, we get small pieces of dried fruit.

There are no treats today.

Once Daa made a comment about how a spoonful of sugar and a pinch of cinnamon would help the porridge go down easier. Dab had taken offence, to what I considered a harmless comment, and resorted to taking Daa's bowl and tipping the entire contents into his and eating the lot. Daa was upset, he loves food and he doesn't ever share his meals. An argument ensued, one which lasted for days, resulting in me and Mattan hiding out in my room in a bid to avoid the shared living space. Parent arguments are horrible and neither of us wanted to be dragged into it. I refuse to take sides.

These little comments are the only signs that they still miss parts of their old lives; when there was more choice, more freedom. I guess it's part of the reason they don't talk about life before they joined the settlement, too many upsetting memories, like cinnamon and sugar.

'What are your plans for today?' Daa asks as he stirs his porridge in circles.

'Not much,' I say evasively.

'Are you planning to go to the woods again? You never did tell us who's accompanying you,' Dab says.

'Yeah, I'll pop to the woods briefly. I'll be going to The Rec after with Axel as well.' I look down at my porridge. It took me a while to come up with that sentence which is very true but also slightly deceitful because I am going to The Rec with Axel, but he is not coming to the woods with me.

'Ok,' Dab says.

Mattan glances at me, his spoonful of porridge suspended in mid-air. He knows Axel isn't going into the woods with me like my parents are assuming. His eyes narrow, but he remains silent as he slowly pops the spoon into his mouth.

I'm not lying. I'm just allowing then come to their own conclusions. The incorrect conclusion.

My insides tighten with guilt. Honesty has always been a given in our family. Me and Mattan always took responsibility for our actions but suffering the punishment together is easier when there's two of you.

'Just promise you won't roam the woods by yourself. You never know when a Drifter may appear,' Daa says, scooping the porridge quickly into his mouth and forcibly swallowing it down.

'I promise.' I look up to meet both my parents' eyes.

This time I'm being completely truthful. I definitely won't be roaming the woods alone.

The sight of the woods ahead of me sends a ripple of excitement. I can't wait to get out of this settlement. A hand grabs my arm, stopping me in my tracks, and I spin round. My shoulders sag in relief. 'Mattan you scared me.'

'You promised you weren't going alone,' Mattan's voice is low and urgent as his hand tightens around my arm.

'I'm not, I'm meeting them in there,' I say quietly.

'Axel would never agree to go with you into the woods.' Mattan's fingers dig into my skin.

'I didn't actually say I was going in with Axel,' I snap, annoyed at him. I pull away but his grip remains. 'It's another friend, one you don't know. Mattan, let go, you're hurting me.'

'I know all your friends.' His hand drops to his side, releasing my arm.

'Not this one. I promised I wouldn't roam the woods alone so I won't. Just trust me, ok?' I rub my arm, trying to rid myself of the faint throbbing.