Untouched

42. Day Forty Eight

'I am flesh, bones
I am skin, soul
I am human
Nothing more than human...'
(Human, Sevdaliza)

I wake to find three containers of food left on the table which I expect is meant to last me the day.

I guess I won't be seeing Ben until this evening.

I'm confused by the surge of disappointment washing over me. I'm meant to hate Ben. I do hate Ben. Except, there's a blurring in the roles of our relationship.

It would be easier if Ben was cruel, at least then, it would be easier to hate him. Right now, it's hard to hate him because of his small acts of kindness towards which make me believe he's trying to ensure my time here is as comfortable as possible.

Picking up the screen, I tap on my playlist, turn up the volume and step onto the treadmill. My joints creak and resist in protest from yesterday's overexertion. I push through the pain focussing on the music. The heart shredding misery-inducing music.

Last night I stayed up late, adding more songs to my playlist- My Escape. It's a collection of songs which match my feelings of loss and declining hope.

I found so many matching my mood, I can't even remember who most of them are. Is it strange, I find it comforting to know people who lived before the Virulence outbreak also felt this amount of despair?

Walking on the treadmill, the songs seep into me. Filling my body and causing the crevice inside me to widen further. It's only a matter of time until I completely fall apart.

This is my dying playlist, the songs I will slowly drown in.

The taste of salt drips into my mouth, a combination of sweat and tears. Panting heavily, I stop the treadmill, turn off the music and stumble to the window where I curl up to watch the fields filled with slow-moving dots.

I'm envious of their freedom. The place I was so desperate to get away from is now where I want to be most.

I want to see my family and Suki. I want to see Zach. It hurts to know he's in this building, he's so close but he doesn't even know I'm here.

Eating my breakfast, I don't taste the contents I force into my mouth. My mind is too distracted; flitting between figuring out an escape plan and predicting what tests they're going to perform on me next.

My vision is a watery blur of tears when I get back on the treadmill. My body is knackered, pushed past its limits however my mind won't stop thinking so I increase the speed.

I'm running to nowhere, running in a bid to escape myself.

Gasping heavily, sweat drips off my forehead and down my back. My feet falter and my legs give out while the platform keeps moving underneath me. Flying off, I'm dumped onto the floor in a messy heap. Struggling to breathe, I start to cry. Large heavy sobs which wrack my body until I have nothing left.

Slowly opening my eyes it takes a while for them to adjust to the darkness.

I'm still laying on the floor.

As I slowly ease myself to standing and stumble towards the bed, I realise there's something missing. My body passes through the empty space, and I fall onto the bed with a cry of hatred.

Ben's taken my future of escape. Ben's taken the treadmill.

Author's note
I've gone a bit mad with the updating but I'm really excited to where this is heading so trying to get it all up!
I hope these scenes aren't getting too repetitive. I promise things are going to get more exciting over the next few chapters... Xx