Untouched

15. Tuesday/ Life is shit- day

The school library is nothing like the one in my settlement.

I'm used to dusty books, dim lighting and silence, but not this lifeless atmosphere. An empty table sits in the middle of the room with a few barely used chairs surrounding it. On either side of the room are two rows of computers positioned against the walls. One of the walls is made of glass and overlooks the yard. There are no books here, and the constant hum from the machinery is giving me a headache but I'm alone, which is exactly what I want. No one comes in here during break time. It's unfunctional and a contamination risk for Naturalists and redundant to Techies who all seem to have their own personal portable screens.

I'm tucked in the corner sitting at a machine I can't use, but I'm able to observe the yard through the large glass wall without being seen. This is the perfect stalker spot although I'm not stalking anyone. I'm avoiding everyone.

Alma's death has added to the already large ache in my chest from losing Mattan and the pain refuses to go away, no matter how nice everyone is being. I know Mara, Mattan, Suki and Seb are still upset about my behaviour on Sunday, but I can't muster enough energy to apologise at the moment. Eventually I will, once the urge to curl up and vanish dulls slightly. Until then, I'm going to keep hiding while ignoring the mess I've made of everything.

'Hey.' A voice brings me back to reality. Zach stands in the doorway, looking sheepish. He tucks his hands into his pockets and rocks back on his heels.

'Hey,' I respond warily. I don't want another argument. I'm already on the wrong side of just about everyone I care about, but if he annoys me I will seriously punch him in the mouth.

Who am I kidding? I won't touch him.

'You hiding from anyone in particular?' He hovers in the doorway, unsure whether to come in or not.

'What makes you think I'm hiding?' I ask glumly.

'Why else would you surround yourself with all this evil machinery?' Zach smiles, gesturing at our surroundings.

'I needed to get away. It's been a rough couple of days.'

'I'm sorry, Kit. I didn't know about the whole getting exiled if you touch someone.' Zach runs his hand through his hair and walks towards me. He drops into the chair next to me. 'I hope I haven't caused any problems at home.'

'Don't flatter yourself, you have nothing to do with any of my problems.'

Zach flinches slightly at my words and I feel bad. At this rate, I'm going to have to volunteer to exile myself if I keep verbally attacking everyone I know.

'Want to talk about it?' Zach asks softly. He's tiptoeing around me, trying to be tentative which is thoughtful yet incredibly annoying. I'm upset again because he's being nice. I really need to sort my head out.

'No.' A lump forms in my throat, and I quickly clear it. 'Just so you know, I prefer you when you're being an arrogant jerk. This nice guy act doesn't suit you.'

'I'm glad you said that because I'm not sure how long I could have kept it up.' Zach laughs and relaxes back in his chair. 'You're as charming and seductive as ever.' He adds with a smirk. I roll my eyes but can't stop a smile from creeping onto my lips.

I've missed that smirk.

Seeing him again, I have to admit to myself that Brielle, Hope and Suki were correct; he is gorgeously handsome. However, it's not only his looks but his entire demeanour which draws you in. His relaxed attitude, his quick wit and humour all add up to his attractiveness. I really need to stop focussing on how attractive he is.