Untouched

13. Friday/ Can my life get any worst?-day

Large ominous clouds hang in the sky and the thick stagnant air adds to the already stifling heat. We're due a storm. Then again, we've been due one for a while but no rain has arrived.

I wipe away the sweat gathering on my forehead however I can't do anything about the droplets slowly trickling in-between my shoulder blades and down my back. Squatting, I tug hard on a weed jutting out from the soil. This job never ends. You've got to admire weeds, they have managed to thrive when most other living things ceased to exist.

Admiration or not, pulling out weeds is my least favourite chore. It gives me way too much thinking time, allowing my mind to imagine scenarios which can't happen until I stop and reality hits me. This is when the depression about my dreary monotonous future weighs down on me most.

'What are you humming?' Suki asks from her crouched position several steps away from me.

'Huh?' I frown, wiping my brow for the millionth time.

'You keep humming the same tune under your breath. You've been doing it all week.' Suki looks at me. The resting bitch face is in full force. 'What is it?'

A song which has my insides in a mess.

For a split second, I think about telling her the truth, but what would be the point? It's over. I'm forgetting Zach and his addictive music. My withdrawal has started. First step of my detoxification is to not speak about Zach or music. The second step is to refer to Zach as him and music as it. Third step is to not think about Zach and music every second of every day. The fourth step is to forget about Zach and music completely. Easy! And once I complete these steps I'll be clean and free of this addiction.

I haven't got past the first step yet.

Suki stares at me waiting for me to answer her question.

'Must be one of The Band's songs.' I force my lips into a tight smile and swiftly return to the job of weeding. This one looks interesting.

'We've only got three songs, none of which sound remotely similar to what you're humming,' Suki persists.

Seriously?

'I probably heard one of my parents singing it.' Avoiding eye contact, I focus all my attention on the large weed. Digging and pulling I go deeper and further into the ground. Its roots are never-ending. They don't ever give up, like Suki.

'Are you ok? You've not been yourself since your birthday,' Suki says.

'Since my birthday...' I've spent time with a boy in the woods who causes all sorts of confusing feelings, and even though I know nothing good will come out of meeting him, I can't stop myself from wanting to continue to see him. I shake my head.

It's all hormones. Don't succumb to the hormones.

Our time in the woods is over. There's no need to tell Suki. However, I know she won't let this go. She'll continue to ask until I give her something. 'I've been thinking about my biological parents. I just want to know why they left me? Why didn't they try to get into the Naturalist settlement and stay with me?'

Suki's face softens. 'The only thing my grandmother will ever say about those times is it brought out the best and worst in people. I'm sure your parents did it for your own safety.'

I smile gratefully. 'You're right. You must miss your parents too.'

'Missing them isn't the right word. I don't remember them enough to miss them. It's more a longing for something which I could have had. An emptiness that is impossible to fill.' Suki's face is sullen and she shrugs before ripping a weed forcefully out of the ground.